Ostriig on 21/6/2010 at 20:54

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Never sure what to say to this sort of thing, except I'm very sorry to hear about it. Try to stay positive, and best of luck. Hope it takes a turn for the better for you.

R Soul on 21/6/2010 at 22:56

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I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you have the strength to make the best of things.

doctorfrog on 22/6/2010 at 00:54

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Zaccheus, I'm sorry to hear about this. I will be reading your blog. Best wishes, and do stick around.

EDIT:
I've read your blog, and though I'm usually quite private, I wonder if this will also be of interest to you.

Earlier this year, my dad was diagnosed with ESSC, cancer of the esophagus. Due to his overall health, and the advanced state of the cancer, surgery is not an option, and chemotherapy would only make the remaining days of his life more miserable with maybe a 10% chance that it'll extend his life beyond a year. As it is, there is very little hope (statistically) that he will be around within six months to a year. Like yourself, a death sentence has been levied on his head.

I personally have found this to be devastating. I love my dad. But this isn't the point of my post.

Perhaps somewhat like yourself, the doctors and nurses who have met with my dad have expressed surprise at how both he and my mother are taking this. They're in relatively good cheer. And no, they're not deluding themselves into thinking they can 'beat' this, at best, they're saying that they are going to make the most of each day they have left together, whatever happens.

My parents are both Christians (specifically, they are Jehovah's Witnesses), and this is generally where they get a lot of their resilience from: their hope. It's not something that's worked for me, but all the same, I'm comforted by the fact that it's helping them cope. I don't doubt that things will definitely get harder, but I also don't doubt that their beliefs are an invaluable resource, as they must also be for you.

In our culture, there's quite a lot of sneering that goes on about religion, and that's fine, but if it raises your outlook and quality of life when things are really down to the wire as they seem to be, good for you. Whether religion is genuine, or delusion, it hardly matters if it improves quality of life in the face of something that would otherwise devastate us. Well, it matters to some folk, but fuck 'em.

Take care,

frog

pakmannen on 22/6/2010 at 09:04

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I'm so sorry :( Stay happy, for as long as you can. I'll be hoping for a miracle.

TBE on 22/6/2010 at 10:40

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Fight the good fight man. You've got good on your side.

My dad died of cancer when I was 6. He was 37 years old. I am 39 now. It was probably caused by Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam. His health ran out of him quickly. I remember seeing him near the end. Had a smile for me, but you knew something wasn't right.

I can't imagine being in your shoes or my dad's at the time in the hospital when they give bad prognosis. The last few years of my life, I've come to understand a lot about myself and life in general. Belongings aren't important. Doing the things you like to do, and being with the people you like to be are important. I've come close to being in fatal accidents a few times in my life. I see as I'm getting older, I take less risk, simply because I want to continue living. But living with such restraint is also not living the way I want to.

I used to "boulder" or rock-climb around the smaller mountains here in Utah without any safety equipment. Just me and the cliff/rock/mountain. I haven't done it in awhile. Maybe I'll go next weekend and climb a mountain in your honor Zaccheus. I'll build a little rock temple, and say a prayer for you.

You've seen death in the face, it'd be nice to have someone there holding your hand, and flipping the bird at Death. Pull as much strength as you can muster to do your bidding. Let's see you back on the board soon.