1000 clues that you have been playing thief way to much ... - by Mr Croft
Spamlet on 10/4/2002 at 21:33
1952: Despite the fact that your computer has melted you continue to play reasoning that your melted computer actually adds to immersiveness because you can pretend that it was attacked by a fire elemental.
1953: You ponder how that fire elemental was able to melt your computer since you took the extra precaution of installing a "firewall" for added computer security.
1954: You then begin to wonder if a firewall wouldn't make a cool addition to Thief 3 being that you've read how it will contain giant water slides...
1955: You decide you better practice so that Garrett will be adept at navigating those treacherous and tricky contraptions-so you head over to your local Six Flags amusement park.
1956: When you arrive there and are confronted with numerous images of Batman you have mixed feelings about him; seeing as he does have a cool hooded cloak and lots of "wonderful toys" which you envy despite still realizing that there's only room for one shadowy, complex "Dark Knight" figure in this h'yar town.
1957: You decide that the best solution to this dilemma is to rob Batman of his cool gear and outfits thus forcing him to retire early.
1958: You then become confused by the fact you aren't sure which Batman is the real one: surely it can't be George Clooney or Val Kilmer since they were only Batman one time each. You decide to narrow it down to Keaton and West.
1959: You break into Adam West's house and steal his Batman stuff (because let's face it you know he's kept everything) but then realize that the version of Batman gear he wore and used was neither cool nor anything even approaching a threat to you.
1960: You realize Micheal Keaton doesn't possess power of any kind at this stage in his career either or else you'd remember the last time you saw him in a new movie.
1961: You suddenly remember that the last time Keaton starred in a movie was the torturously bad "Jack Frost" (in which he is reincarnated as a snowman) and you deduce from that fact that he's now even less of a threat than Adam West. :o
Shard on 11/4/2002 at 05:01
1962: You look through all of your other computer games and rate them 1-10 on their similarity to Thief(true story)
1963: You sell Half-Life, Quake I, Quake II, and Quake III on eBay, and then buy second copies of Thief Gold and Thief II, then without touching the seal or the shrink-wrap, you frame them on your wall
1964: You stalk Stephen Russell because you want to surgically remove his vocal chords and larynx and then implant them into yourself.
1965: You make a 'Trickster' dummy, learn how to 'throw' your voice, and then scare your little brother so bad he wets himself....
1966: ....Your little brother is 25.
1967: You argue with yourself about Viktoria's virginity
1968: You argue with your parents about Viktoria's virginity
1969: You get your brother/sister/sibling to punch you when you lose health in the game, to heighten the realism...
1970: ....He/she knocks you out in the cutscene between RTC and Escape!.....
1971: ....As you wake up, you quickly feel for your eye.....
1972: .....And try to make your sibling cut it out
1973: ......Using twigs and vines....
--Shard
Shard on 11/4/2002 at 05:19
1974: You've been playing for so long that your vision has gotten so bad you can't see anything further than the distance to your computer screen.....
1975: And you like it that way
1976: Your eyes have evolved to compensate for the constant darkness...
1977: Light scares you....
1978: ......More than pitch blackness
1979: You haven't eaten in 2 months.....
1980: You stay alive by eating the paper on your desk next to your computer....
1981: ....because the sound reminds you of eating apples/deer legs/ bread in-game.
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1982: You've learned to voluntarily stop your heart(to simulate pain).........
1983: ..........You've lost the ability to control it, and now it happens in response to in-game pain automatically......
1984: You die in two days (Can't save and reload :)
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1985: You sacrifice your cat to the Builder.
1986: You sacrifice your brother to the Builder.
1987: You sacrifice your mailman to the Builder. (He interrupted your most sacred pastime!)
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1988: You can recite the contents of all of the CRF files.
1989: You can recite the contents of all the OSM files.
1990: You wrote a better manual for Thief Gold
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1991: You taught your grandma(who doesn't know anything about computers) how to play Thief.......
1992: She finished it with more loot than you.......
1993: And three hours faster.
1994: Your grandpa died while she played.........
1995: .....and she called it the Builder's wish.
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1996: All your parents' conversations with you begin with: "Son, can you pause for a sec?"
1997: You're not sure what day it is.
1998: You're not sure what month it is...
1999: You're not sure what year it is....
OK, c'mon, who wants it? It better be a good one, damn it, or I'm gonna be pissed!
Shard
Spamlet on 11/4/2002 at 09:34
2000) A few years ago when everyone was worrying that civilization as we know it would end due to the year 2000 [y2k] bug (appropriately enough for this clue, eh?) your biggest concern was not that there would be no money, or light or heat or food... No, my fellow Thief obsessed friends you were only thinking of the fact that you would never play Thief again. The prospect of that caused you to buy a gun and point it at your head and stare at your screen playing with only one hand up until the moment it was all supposed to go wrong. You rightly figured that if there was no Thief there was no reason to be on this miserable planet anymore. You also knew that if you did have to plant the bullet in the rich soil of your fertile imagination your death would not be in vain. You would set an example for every Thief player that a game this good: that you wake up every day to live for; is damn sure worth dying for.
2001) Besides you reckon that if there is such a thing as an afterlife in paradise that means you will be able to play Thief from beyond the grave (and also hang out with all the undead that you met in the game).
(I hope those were worthy enough, Shard. Yours had me peeing my pants with laughter. By the way the year it is is the same number where you get to pick it up from: we'll be to 3000 in no time my friend!)
Fred Chook on 11/4/2002 at 09:40
Bah and bah again! I missed the 2000. Oh well, maybe I'll delete the thread or something. I'm evil, bwahaha.
Nethawk on 11/4/2002 at 13:45
...when this forum and the game starts feeling like home, and the real world like a fantasy - whoops - already there.:p
Kestril on 11/4/2002 at 17:36
Quote:
Originally posted by Fred Chook Bah and bah again! I missed the 2000. Oh well, maybe I'll delete the thread or something. I'm evil, bwahaha. :o That is evil. More evil than...kicking puppies, or designing a room filled with puppies just so you can go in and kick them.
*Zaccheus* on 11/4/2002 at 19:38
HA HA HA !
LOL.
Resor on 11/4/2002 at 23:01
Quote:
Originally posted by Spamlet 2000) A few years ago when everyone was worrying that civilization as we know it would end due to the year 2000 [y2k] bug (appropriately enough for this clue, eh?) your biggest concern was not that there would be no money, or light or heat or food... No, my fellow Thief obsessed friends you were only thinking of the fact that you would never play Thief again. The prospect of that caused you to buy a gun and point it at your head and stare at your screen playing with only one hand up until the moment it was all supposed to go wrong. You rightly figured that if there was no Thief there was no reason to be on this miserable planet anymore. You also knew that if you did have to plant the bullet in the rich soil of your fertile imagination your death would not be in vain. You would set an example for every Thief player that a game this good: that you wake up every day to live for; is damn sure worth dying for. 2002: You consider that for a minute, then decide its better to strap a mine to your head. This way, you cannot MOVE your head away from the screen. (blasphemy!!! :mad: )
Shard on 12/4/2002 at 02:50
*Shard mumbles to himself that number 2K should have been better.....
2003: You print this list and frame it on your wall next to your monitor, so you can check stuff off
