Advances in journalism lead us Nowhere, and fast. - by Minion21g
Scots Taffer on 8/10/2010 at 02:12
Quote Posted by Stitch
Hell, if you wanted to keep the whole hazmat suit angle you could, as long as you push it into adequately bizarre and awkward territory:
PANEL ONE:
[INDENT]DUDE IN HAZMAT SUIT sits alone at a table with a romantic candle in the middle of it. CUTE GIRL arrives, wearing a classy minidress.
CUTE GIRL: Sorry I'm late, but I--[/INDENT]
PANEL TWO:
[INDENT]CUTE GIRL stares at DUDE IN HAZMAT suit, giving him a weird "what the fuck" look. DUDE just sits in silence.[/INDENT]
PANEL THREE:
[INDENT]CUTE GIRL: You haven't been on a date in awhile, have you?
HAZMAT DUDE: match.com doesn't have a zombie yes/no field, just covering my bases.[/INDENT]
A+ would giggle again
demagogue on 8/10/2010 at 03:44
I like the art style. The punchlines are there; I got them. Falling a bit into standard fare territory, but not bad by any means.
But most of all, I think it's great to just start making them and develop it as you go ... find its voice, crystallize its pros and squeeze out its cons, do what makes you laugh, and you've already got a solid ground to build on. I think this is a case where, now that you guys have started it and have a good style going, you really owe it to yourselves to take the feedback to heart, follow your intuitions, and keep plugging to make it better and better over time.
Scots Taffer on 8/10/2010 at 03:59
Yeah I meant to respond to an earlier criticism of the art and actually remark on that being the strongpoint of the comic thus far.
bleaksand on 8/10/2010 at 15:08
Concerning the layout:
Too much "blue-filigree-cutout-stuff" happening on the content borders. It overpowers the comic strip and looks fussy.
I suggest you keep the header, simplify/minimize the footer, and remove it altogether from your blog comment section.
And either switch to a more convention arrow-shape or move arrows to the intuitive left/prev and right/next edges of the strip.
Minion21g on 8/10/2010 at 16:37
My artist friend changed script for today's comic. Here's the original.
Quote:
-First Panel-Todd: So, the folks at Carnegie have this computer that's teaching itself English by reading the Internet.
Greg: Uh huh, what for?
*busy with computer games*Todd: Well apparently, Carnegie's looking to develop computerized assistants for stores and things, but they're having some issues.
-Second Panel-Service Automaton: Would you like to purchase a $5 footlong submarine?
*pictures nuclear submarine on screen*Customer: Uh, no.
-Third Panel-Greg: Hah, that's funny. Just imagine once it finds 4chan .. or worse.
Cat-faced Automaton(s): BOW DOWN PUNY HUMANZ 2 UR NEW CYBERNETIC OVERLORDZ! KTHXBAI.
*post-apocalyptic doom*I'll let you guys hit (
http://lstncomic.com/) my link to see his changes, but I think they missed the mark of being funny. So, I may have to bust on him a bit and convince him not to change things once we've agreed to it. As well, I think I could've described what I was hoping to see in the third panel a little better. I was hoping to see smiley-faced, feline robots attacking humans, instead I got robots with cat ears.
As you can see, part of our problems so far is our communication skills.
So, I ask again for feedback on today's comic. What would you do to make the comic, my version or the posted version, a little bit "more funny"?
Minion21g on 8/10/2010 at 16:40
Quote Posted by Scots Taffer
A+ would giggle again
I gotta agree. Stitch that was pretty well done.
Stitch on 8/10/2010 at 20:00
Christ, I've now written a week's worth of "zombie date" strips in my head, culminating in him laying her down in his hot suite and discovering that she has a penis. "Her: Come on, you know all these zombie flicks eventually boil down to man-on-man." Him: "AS A METAPHOR!!"
Still, best advice in this thread so far is from demagogue. We can help you identify areas that need improvement, but ultimately you as writer are the only one who can get these strips to a unique place that builds off your strengths.
EvaUnit02 on 9/10/2010 at 01:43
Quote Posted by henke
No. This is just so wrong. If you need to know
why it's wrong: watch Family Guy, The Simpsons, Shaun of the Dead, or any parody ever made.
Those are some pretty poor examples, Shaun of the Dead works completely well on it's own, since the writing, direction and acting is so strong. You definitely don't need to watch George Romero's zombie films prior. You can say the same for all of Edgar Wright's films, even Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - by far his weakest film to date. Wright may've built his film career on spoof and references, but the work is so good that it speaks for itself.
The Simpsons at its peak (~1994-1998) was a very well written show, with lots of jokes that were self-contained. Sure, you might miss out on the occasional reference to say an Alfred Hitchcock or whatever, but they were mostly just throwaway visual gags. Even beyond that say the episode that spoofs Rear Window completely works without having seen the original film prior.
The same can said about even the strongest parody films. You don't need to have done any "homework" to appreciate Airplane! or Blazing Saddles, that's for sure.
