Dew-Drop on 6/5/2001 at 05:35

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This is the script of the Intro, to be used as a reference by anyone.
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(Walton Simons and Bob Page stand opposite of each other, the Hand with the Globe serves as the background.)

Page: Your appointment to SHEMA should be initialized tea-time on the 'morrow.
I have discussed the matter with the-WHOA!

(He looks at the floor reflection of MAggie Chow)

Simons: She isn't wearing panties?

Page: Ahem (clears throat) I have talked to the Senator.

Simons: I take it he was agreeable.

Page: He didn't really have a choice ;too bad the poor chap does not realize everyone knows he's gay allready!

Simons: That's how come he's got the plaque.

Page: Oh yes, most certainly! When I informed him we would cease shooting spit-wads at him, he was so agreeable, it was almost funny!

Simons: The rioting is intensifying to epic proportions. Soon we may not be able to contain the condom balloons and public spankings.

Page: (stares) How.. how's that thing hang in the air like that? (points to the globe.)

(awkward pause)

Page: AHhheemmm (coughs a bit.) Why contain it! Let is spill over to the McDonaldses and Burger Kings!(Camera zooms in on Page's nostril, giving the audience an ample view if his nose-hairs and buggars.) The sound they make discharging their gas will serve as a warning to the rest to buy our GAS-AWAY pills!

(Footage of people stinking up a free clinic.)

Simons: Mmm I hope you are not underestimating the problem. The Methane accumulations have made a ozone hole in the athmosphere over Paris, where people aren't going so quietly.

(Scene where a bunch of people are shooting each other with spit-wads and pea/spoon catapults. In front of the Eiffel Tower.)

Page: A bunch of viagra-dependent men playing at ruling the world. ...But the world has left their pills in favor of our [bleeep] Augmentations long ago!

Simons: We got other problems..

Page: (feels the back of his head with palm of a hand.) Dude! have you looked in the back of my head? It looks like I have two shut human eyes growing on the back of my head! Freaky!

(Simons rolls his eyes.)

Page: ARrrghgghEmmM! UNATCO?

(Footage of UNATCO ceremony where special agents are seated with pet tree-snakes.)

Simons: United Non Avian Terra COmmission. Formed by executive order after the age-old lump of bird-crap built up on the statue of Liberty, finally caused it's head to roll off. I have someone in place though. (scratches crotch) I'm more worried about Cabbage. He rolocated to Vanderburg.

Page: Our biochem corpus is far advanced then them! Besides, their.. Vegetarian .. inflexibilities has allowed us to make progress in meat products they have refused to consider!

(Scene of a farmer raising sheep.)

(Camera zooms out of PAge's ear this time, allowing the audience a lovely view of Page's ear-wax and moles.)

Page: We've had much to endure, you and I. But soon we are going to bring a new order to the world! A new age! Aswinehas spoken of a mythical city upon a hill. That city is going to be in reality. And we shall be crowned it's Kings. (Shows footage of a humman buttocks grown invitro.) No, more than kings.. Gods!!! MUAhahahaha!!!!! MAUAUAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Simons: (Strokes chin) Dam.. I gotta go to the bathroom. (stares at Maggie Chow's reflection.)

Page: Hmm, now that no one is here.. let's have some Kareoke!! (The globe has dotted lights coming out of it. It spins.)

(Page stands under the globe and does disco motion to some music.)

Page: (Singing:) I WILL SURVIVE!

(CRASH! The globe falls on top of him.)

THE END.

Dew-Drop on 6/5/2001 at 06:43

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Ummm.. Thanks??

Despot on 6/5/2001 at 16:54

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Hands up, all who think that last pic of Daxim's was a self portrait!

*raises hand*

TechImmortal on 9/5/2001 at 08:48

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Monty Python does Deus Ex? No wait, that would be a giant foot that crashes down at the end...

frozenman on 9/5/2001 at 21:24

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It sure-diddly-is. Wierd, i'm listening to Nirvana right now...