Digital Nightfall on 11/4/2010 at 17:54

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Week 1: The Correspondence of Thieves rewrite is finished and ready to be read. I'll be posting one chapter per week, but for the first week I decided to post the first two chapters. Due to exhaustion and slight illness, I'll be making this initial post brief and to the point. Here they are, in PDF!

Week 2: Chapter 3 is now online. This chapter picks up the Jyre/Nightfall storyline where things left off at the end of Chapter 1. The opening section may seem familiar to some - it was featured in the Mission X manual as an introduction to Nightfall and The Circle. I hope everyone enjoys it, shares their feedback, and lets me know if they see any grammatical or other issues that ought to be corrected before Book 1 goes to print. The chapter preview is here: (http://www.ttlg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=131727&p=1981965&viewfull=1#post1981965) Thanks!

Week 3: Chapter 4 is now online, which wraps up book 1! What's more, I should have some news on the print edition of Book 1 soon! I really hope everyone is enjoying it, and keeps sending me thoughts and feedback.

Week 4: Chapter 5. I am noticing a pattern, here! ;)

Week 22: Chapters 23 and 24. The novel is now complete!

- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch1.pdf>Chapter 1: A Brief Intrusion</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch2.pdf>Chapter 2: Honest Jobs</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch3.pdf>Chapter 3: Religion and Crime</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch4.pdf>Chapter 4: Innocent Bystanders </a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch5.pdf>Chapter 5: Trapped</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch6.pdf>Chapter 6: Tests of Fortitude </a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch7.pdf>Chapter 7: On the Run </a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch8.pdf>Chapter 8: Serious Distractions </a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch9.pdf>Chapter 9: Blood is Spilled </a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch10.pdf>Chapter 10: Revelations</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch11.pdf>Chapter 11: Reunions</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch12.pdf>Chapter 12: Higher Stations</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch13.pdf>Chapter 13: Building Bridges</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch14.pdf>Chapter 14: A Fine Mess</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch15.pdf>Chapter 15: Underworld</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch16.pdf>Chapter 16: Our Rightful Places</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch17.pdf>Chapter 17: Locks without Keys</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch18.pdf>Chapter 18: Guests in Alien Realms</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch19.pdf>Chapter 19: Hosts and Hospitality</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch20.pdf>Chapter 20: Alliances and Betrayals</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch21.pdf>Chapter 21: With Breaths Held</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch22.pdf>Chapter 22: No Name by the Tongue of Man</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch23.pdf>Chapter 23: The Pages of History</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch24.pdf>Chapter 24: Corrrespondence Persists</a>

Chapter 1 teaser:



The home of the project is <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot.asp>on the CoSaS site.</a> If you'd like to know more about what all of this is about, please read the <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/about-cot.asp>about page.</a>

The printed versions will be forthcoming. I hope to have news on that soon! Though we worked from June - April to proofread this work, my editor and I are not professionals! If you find any issues with the above work, please send me a PM so I can fix them right away and make sure that the print versions don't have these errors.

The Phantom on 11/4/2010 at 19:09

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Wow, thanks Digi :D That must've been a lot of work.

Hope you have a quick recovery btw.

Digital Nightfall on 12/4/2010 at 02:22

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Looks like there's some formatting issues with Chapter 2. Serves me right for doing this while I feel like crap. :) I can't fix it now because my computer is currently battling viruses as well. Never rains, but it pours...

I am sure looking forward to hearing what you taffers think. I wrote this so anyone could enjoy it, but the heart and soul still belongs to the Thief fans.

Digital Nightfall on 13/4/2010 at 01:06

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Both chapters have now been updated with a dozen or so tweaks and changes based on feedback I've been sent. All of it is grammatic or cosmetic, with a few instances of just a little but more description to clarify in some confusing sentences.

Xorak on 15/4/2010 at 04:04

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Nightfall, I've finished reading the first chapter. I've found it interesting so far. Some of the descriptions and dialogue are pretty strong, and stand out quite well. I don't know how much feedback you're looking for at this point (since it's essentially done.) I don't even know if you're interested, but I came up with a list; I guess both good and bad.

I'm trying to give an honest response to what I read. Some of this feedback is just random questions that popped up while I read. I hope what I have to say doesn't upset you in any way. I respect completely the work that you've put into this, and it's meant only with the best intentions. Feel free to ignore everything I have to say, if I'm off base.

(Obviously, this post is full of spoilers.)

Neither Jyre or Lord Thresh or Els or any of the major characters are given descriptions beyond a few facial features. I don't recall a solid descrption of Jyre, and when Lord Thresh is described, it's already 25 pages or so into the story. Even then the reader never really gets intimate with him or his emotions. The best description was that of Jossimer, where the reader was given some sense of his character based on just a few words.

Thresh is kind of like a superhero, which isn't a bad thing, but he should have some sort of underlying fault. We see him raise a whole house up from nothing, sneak around like a thief, kill his assassins without much trouble, heal all his wounds, and separate his mind from his body. He reminds me of a Gandolf-type character. On the flip side, if Jyre is the main character, it doesn't really come into play as much.

I like the idea of the story unfolding in separate viewpoints, but when these change from Jyre's to Thresh's perspective, I think a little more effort could be put into making them really stand out so the reader is more aware a character-shift has just taken place. For example, take the one at the start of page 29, the voice of Jyre and the voice of Thresh is almost identical, so that it appears like no real change has taken place.

The way that the story switches viewpoints really presents a good opportunity for how the main characters see each other, but this is never taken advantage of. It would be interesting to see the world from two totally different views, but instead they both basically see the world around them the same way.

I think it could've been shown better early on how evil the Lady really is. Because even after reading about how she destroyed an entire village, it kind of had no effect on me. I didn't really feel any loss or sadness or anger.

The letter Jyre wrote should hold up on its own, so that when Thresh reads it over, the reader doesn't have to read again what he is reading, but instead how it affects him as a person. I found it odd too that she would put an address on the letter, even though it's a fake address. Would there be post office boxes on buildings?

EDIT: I just wanted to clarify what I meant about the letter Jyre writes. We should be horrified enough about the contents of it, that when Thresh reads it we should get a glimpse of his character by how he reacts/or doesn't react to the disgusting things he reads. If a person reads about a girl getting abused and just shrugs it off (not saying he does this, just using this as an example,) that basically establishes everything we need to know about that person.

I don't know how, but I got the impression that she couldn't speak, and that writing was her only method of communication. Also it seemed strange that she kind of lusted after Ranson so quickly, and lusted after Thresh, both after knowing them for a short amount of time, but her feelings for Els are never actually described until the end of Chapter 1. I get that he is like a father to her, but why then wouldn't Ranson be? I also get that Ranson taking advantage of her would change Jyre's outlook of men forever (truthfully beyond ways that someone not in that situation could ever realize,) but I would like to see more of her thought process on this. Theoretically, I can see that her quick love for Thresh may be caused by what happened earlier in her life, but probably most teenage girls might act the same way even without being abused. But I liked how you made her think and feel overall, she is immature enough to think that Thresh would have no problem with her breaking into his house.

I was wondering too, if the servants of the house knew the manner in which it was &#8216;built'. If so, wouldn't they be more accepting of doors in the house that are sealed off from them.

If Els has an inauspicious marking on his hand, why couldn't he just wear a glove?

I thought a funny line was &#8216;How could he look at me the same way now that I was an intruder; worse a voyeur.' My thought was, wouldn't an intruder be worse than a voyeur?

The part I enjoyed most, although it was fairly brief, was the first part of her dream where it appears as if she is recounting some of her earlier exploits. I'm not sure why, but that brief part made me finally feel as if I was right inside Jyre's head.

Most of the dialogue was done quite well. Quite witty. The descriptions of how the City looks from different views; the Lady's painting and the frame; and the way that the magical door opens to the meditation chamber are really quite well done. I'm not sure why, but the character of Jossimer is probably the best described character and feels the most human. Although there is so much drama associated with Jyre, I guess I never really connected with her feelings. I like the way you show that even in the magical realm of the Circle, Thresh's world is really just full of boring meetings and politics.

The way that the three assassins are labeled Number One, Number Two, and Number Three I felt distracted from the action. I know it's hard to label three unique characters that are basically only around for one scene, but perhaps giving them names based on more specific descriptions would make it more interesting, like if one was shorter call him Short-Goon. I know that's not a very good example.

I liked how the descriptions of statue-lined hallways, and crumbling towers and dark alleys gave an impression of not just the nuances of the Thief game and the Thief world, but of a world of mystery and dark intrigue. A world where these characters would actually exist inside buildings that are elaborately and purposely decorated and a city that is alive and vivid.