Thor on 17/4/2010 at 20:04
Okay, read 28 pages into chapter 1. Really like it, good remaking + adding new events. I agree with Xorak, the personalities could have had more personal description or emotions shown (mostly applying to D. Thresh). Just make the reader know him a little bit better, so he has a better image of how you imagined him to be. Or is he a professional all the way?
Anyway... why read till page 28? Because somehow both the COT site and thread links don't give me more, while clearly Xorak mentioned events of a 29th page there (pretty lucky, huh?), plus a sentence was cut loose.
Any idea how to fix this? I really wanna read more of this. :)
Btw, didn't read ALL of Xorak's post, partially fearing spoilers, but I mostly agree with everything, except naming the assasins. It is how Thresh visualises them and it's just a matter of personality, really. And I think labeling them with numbers is fitting enough for his personality.
Oh yes and the descriptions - I usually don't read that carefully, but this time I'm translating every word I don't understand and hardly let go even a more trivial sentence until I understand it completely. With that happening, I have a good time visualizing, imagining everything my way. It's really quite cool, sort of like a movie, but, you know, better and longer. ^^
Digital Nightfall on 17/4/2010 at 20:19
Yikes, thanks Thor. It looks like I goofed the last time I uploaded an updated copy. It's fixed, now.
Glad you're enjoying it. :)
Thor on 18/4/2010 at 10:50
Great, thanks. Done with the 1st chapter, so... good stuff! :thumb:
I love the way how you referenced the original COT e-play thingy in Jyre's daydream. It felt just right and the moment where you most connect with the character.
Anyway, I could open up and say more, but overall - had a few minor setbacks, mostly associated with Xorak's already mentioned connection with characters, but I'm assuming I'll grow into the characters later. It's not like I ever really manage that in the 1st.
Love the attention to detail - not too much, not too less. Just about enough to give imagination enough boundaries and enough freedom. Dialogue is good too, somehow I especially liked Thresh's conversations with his guards & the complaining cook. Few bits of places to laugh in too, but not really that many. I realize this isn't the laughing kind of novel, in fact I rarely remember laughing at anything I read, so it isn't the big of a deal.
Edit: Scratch that what I said about humor. The next chapter does the job nice, so I see it's just more character to the novel. This is so much fun.
Digital Nightfall on 18/4/2010 at 16:39
Week 2: Chapter 3 is now online. This chapter picks up the Jyre/Nightfall storyline where things left off at the end of Chapter 1. The opening section may seem familiar to some - it was featured in the Mission X manual as an introduction to Nightfall and The Circle. Chapter 3 is the longest in the entire saga, with most chapters being somewhere between 1 and 2's length. I hope everyone enjoys it, shares their feedback, and lets me know if they see any grammatical or other issues that ought to be corrected before Book 1 goes to print. Thanks!
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch1.pdf>Chapter 1: A Brief Intrusion</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch2.pdf>Chapter 2: Honest Jobs</a>
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch3.pdf>Chapter 3: Religion and Crime</a>
- Chapter 4: Innocent Bystanders (to be posted April 25th)
Chapter 3 preview:
Quote:
I turned the artifact over in my hand as I studied it under the loupe. There were several imperfections which, while invisible to the average ignorant observer, were glaring to anyone who had knowledge about such things. I did not have this knowledge; I just knew where to look, because the person who made the fake was sitting before me, and I had the original in my other hand. The fake was simply designed to impress those who wished to be impressed. “Well done,” I said, looking up from it to the craftsman who had made it.
I held the Chalice of Turama in one hand, and in the other a well made but obvious fake, which had been put together personally for me by a skilled craftsman named Knowles. It broke his heart to be forced into crafting such blatant imperfections into the replicas, but I wanted to be sure that anyone who had in mind a caper would understand that these were fakes they would be dealing with, and know not to bother. Yes, every artifact in The Circle was a replica, with the exception of the original artwork which would be considered worthless to any save the most open minded art lover. No one would want to steal a painting that cost two gold coins on the street.
The Chalice of Turama had been purchased for a modest price about a week and a half ago from Lord Ursula, who had recently been hit by one or more burglars. They managed to steal just about everything he owned except for the chalice. Ursula was in great need of liquid assets, so it did not take much bargaining for me to convince him to part with the artifact, in spite of its spectacular nature. The burglars also were given payment for being so generous as to not steal the chalice. If I wanted to display the item in the museum, it had to have been bought legitimately, rather than stolen.
Sticky Fingers on 18/4/2010 at 18:42
When I click on the Chapter 3 link, I get Chapter 2 - is it just me?
Digital Nightfall on 18/4/2010 at 19:07
It's not just you. Clearly I am really bad at this. :sweat: Fixed.
Edit: I finally took the time to give COT a proper website design, and here's the result: (
http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot.asp) The javascript on the PDF files should let you toggle between them without closing the window or hitting the back button.
Namdrol on 18/4/2010 at 22:37
Thanks Digi
:thumb:
Jyre on 23/4/2010 at 15:20
Goodies to read!
Just thought I'd pop in, say hello, and mysteriously vanish into the shadows for another year or three :ebil:
Digital Nightfall on 25/4/2010 at 15:59
Chapter 4 is now online, which wraps up book 1! What's more, I should have some news on the print edition of Book 1 soon! I really hope everyone is enjoying it, and keeps sending me thoughts and feedback.
- <a href=http://cosas.ttlg.com/cot-r/cot-r_ch4.pdf>Chapter 4: Innocent Bystanders </a>
Chapter 4 preview:
Quote:
Thalia hung limp on my arms. “I'm going to get you out of here,” I told her, unsure if she could hear me, or even recognize my voice. I on the other hand barely recognized her face. The years she had spent inside that Hammerite prison had clearly taken its toll. She was disfigured, broken, and barely alive. I turned the keys in the lock; keys covered in the blood of the guard, and pulled her free of her shackles. Once free I held her body tightly, weeping over her, finally letting my rage melt into sorrow. Suddenly, she stirred. I studied her face, feeling sick with the sight of how life in the dungeon had aged her. Finally her eyes opened, and they met mine. I was drawn inside.
Immediately we were somewhere else, and Thalia was no longer in my arms. Men dressed in red and silver had her in chains, wrists to the ceiling, ankles to the floor, so that she hung with her face to the floor, draped out over a bed of spikes. The way that her wrists and ankles were twisted in the shackles...they had to be broken. Behind her stood a large man, dressed in blood red and black leather, whipping her. Before her was another man, a Hammerite priest, dressed in clean white, draped in red satin, obscenely clean in a room of filth and blood. He was counting off as the brute whipped Thalia.
I wanted to run to them, destroy the torturer, and break Thalia free, but I was held back. All around me were arms, holding me, preventing me from moving forward. Faces surrounded mine, woodsie faces, pagan faces, painted and marked. The markings moved over their faces as if the ink were alive.
“Let me go!” I screamed to them, “I have to save her!”
“No, you cannot,” they all chanted in unison. Damn the pagans, they left her to this fate, and refused to save her. I screamed, cursed their gods and goddesses, cursed them, and cursed their children. \
The Phantom on 25/4/2010 at 17:18
Interesting read so far. And it looks very professional. I like the mysterious introduction to the story, and the references to Thief and CoSaS.
My progress is pretty slow as I have to consult a distionary many times. But hey, it's improving my english.
