Gray on 15/9/2019 at 01:03
I apologise in advance for doing this again, but I have nothing else in my life, so here we go.
Tonight I went to see
Eels play live. I've wanted to see them many times, they played here last year, but the timing was just not right. I love their stuff, but sometimes it's just a little bit too close to the truth, and last year I couldn't handle it. It was too recent. Too many songs about death, cancer, illness and misery.
As a total noob to this venue, I saw a line of people, and had to ask the people in front of me if this was indeed the line for Eels. They said yes. It just didn't look right. I'm nearly 50, and I saw loads, maybe 20% of people, looking at least 20 years older than I am. Something must be wrong. Why the hell would Eels appeal to wrinkly people with white or no hair? But I also saw some 30-somethings, and a few groups of teenagers, so I decided to just go with it.
Eventually, we were let in. The bodyseach was swift and unintrusive, with my clearly radicalised atheist beard I'd have expected them to have done a better job, I might have hidden upon my person the idea that god does not exist. But nobody bothered. Perhaps just because I looked old and mostly harmless.
Time to kill. Had a few pints. Then, opening act. If I'm right, it was a band called Chaos Chaos, one girl on piano and one girl on drums. Nobody else. And yet, it sounded massive, and very impressive. Their range spanned from whiny tinkly stuff, to pop, to James Brown funk, to kick-ass punk. I was very impressed. I will have to look them up later. You should too. That drummer gave me several new ideas of how I've been wrong in programming my drum machines. I have new things to try now. Very inspirational, even to an old fat useless bastard as myself.
Then, some other band came on. Some kind of blues cover band. I had to ask the guy next to me who they were. He said, and I'm ashamed to admit this, "they're called Eels. E e l s."
Fuck.
Judging by their first 2 songs, I'd never have known, and I call myself a fan. I'd been playing all of their stuff for the last few days. But I've never seen them live before, and he apparently had seen them last year when I didn't. I was standing too far away to see E's face, I only saw a fedora. Then they did a cover of Prince's Raspberry Beret, which I knew they had done before, and I started to think maybe this guy was right. Then Bone Dry. Then loads of other Eels songs. Awesome.
E seemed quite cheerful, and often commented on how well they were received last year. Many jokes about the city and the venue, but I suppose any self-respecting artist will do that anyway. They played many of the songs I know and love, but I was waiting for a special something. And then they did it.
This.
[video=youtube;qoqZOR9DTi4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoqZOR9DTi4[/video]
I was standing as the bar, caught a little bit by surprise, but it stopped me in my tracks. I cried. Tears pouring down my face. I clutched the pendant with my wife's ashes, she would have loved to be here. I stroked my wedding ring. I completely forgot about the rest of the world, fuck them, I just stood there crying like an idiot. If anybody around me noticed, I saw no signs of it.
My love is always just as she seems
A force of nature on her own to be reckoned with
Whatever is wrong with me, a kiss redeems
And it's all there in my dreams, in my dreams
My love is soaring, she glides through the sky
Hardly a warning, she takes my hand
Says open your eyes
We looked down on the earth and all its schemes
We laugh and it's all there in my dreams, in my dreams
We swoop down below the clouds, destination unknown
And then she says let's go home
My love is resting under a tree
She whispers softly in my ear as she lay next to me
That was the funnest day, her sad eyes beam
And it's all there in my dreams, in my dreamsThen they played on. Many more awesome songs. Two encores. I was hoping for Last Stop, but that didn't happen. Never mind, I got my In My Dreams. That was enough. It's therapy. I was satisfied.
However, as I drunkenly walked home, I stumbled into a bar on the way, and met two similarly drunken idiots I may have something in common with. One of them even said the name of my home town before I did. And then we talked about heavy metal. I wouldn't mind seeing these two weirdos again when we're only mildly drunk.
Home. Tired. A good night. I got all I wanted, and more.
For reference, my wife's ashes were scattered around a tree. So, she's quite literally resting under a tree. It's very possible that I hear things that E did not intend, but there is quite a strong suggestion that it is only in his dreams and not real. And I still dream of her. The only time I see her now is in my dreams. And she is still wonderful and alive.
[Edit]
Quote Posted by qolelis
you only meant something together with her or because of her, and now that she is physically not there any more, you think that people who once tolerated you because of her will not do so any more!? I've never met you -- nor them -- so I can't really say anything about that, but maybe you're underestimating yourself, and maybe you are also underestimating the people around you -- or the strangers around you. Not for me to say anything about, but I'm going to be so bold and suggest it.
Well, sort of. I'm quite articulate and polite, and I can fake niceness, for a while. People tend to like me, initially, until they get to know me, and they slowly realise we have nothing in common. Sometimes I feel liked by her family, sometimes merely tolerated because they loved her. Some of them love me just because they know she loved me, how happy I made her, and how much I struggled to keep her alive. Others just see the differences. Over time, my sarcasm and miserable personality will shine through the thin veneer of presentability, and that's usually when people decide they don't like me anymore. Which I'm largely fine with, except it has now landed me stranded in a foreign country with zero friends. Eight years I've been here now, and not a single friend of my own. My life here was all about her, and now she's gone, and I have nothing left.
[Edit]
I found them. (
https://chaoschaos.bandcamp.com/album/chaos-chaos) Chaos Chaos. Berlin was the last track they played, so I know it's them. If you find them on Facebook, ignore the photo where they look like heavily made up untalented fashion models, they're really very good. But I can't yet quite figure out why they made a song called Värmland, that's a region of Sweden and they don't seem to be Swedish. Apparently one of their songs was in an episode of Rick and Morty, a show I watch, so I may have accidently heard them already without knowing it. FB suggests they tour a lot, so maybe they're a much bigger band than I had realised.
[Edit yet again]
Tocky, you might enjoy this. At the Eels gig, I saw a guy with a Rival Sons t-shirt. Thanks to you I now know who they are, what they sound like, and that I like them. Thanks. And yeah, that drummer
does sound like John Bonham, so much that it must be intentional. Not that that's a bad thing.