EURO 2012! (8.6. - 1.7.2012)

Tomi on 8/6/2012 at 11:03

So, this year's biggest sporting event kicks off today (huh? what Olympics?) in Poland and Ukraine, and we can enjoy some top football for the rest of the month. OH YES, it's time for the 2012 UEFA European Football Championship, a.k.a. EURO 2012!

I've pretty much been looking forward to this since the 2010 World Cup, but just like always, the beginning of the tournament comes as a bit of a surprise and I'm not even mentally prepared for it yet... I haven't even figured out who I'm going to support this time around! I'm normally rooting for the underdogs and the teams that I have the most sympathy for, so to solve this terrible dilemma, I'm using my very complex and foolproof (and of course totally unbiased) algorithm to give Sympathy Points for each team - I'm going to support the team that gets the most points!

GROUP A:

POLAND:
+2 Underdog Bonus!!
+1 Mystery Bonus! (don't really know their players well enough to dislike anyone)
-1 Racist Fans Penalty!
-1 Koki Penalty!
+1 Just Kidding Koki Bonus!
total: +2 points

GREECE:
+2 Underdog Bonus!!
+2 Heroic Victory 2004 Bonus!
+1 Mystery Bonus! (don't know much about their players either)
+1 Poulos Combo x 4 ! (Four players whose name ends with "Poulos")
-1 Boring Tactics Penalty! (looking forward to those 0-0 and 1-0 games again)
-1 Drama Penalty!
-1 Nazi Politics Penalty!
total: +3 points

RUSSIA:
+1 Underdog Bonus!
+1 Cool Player Bonus (Andrey Arshavin)
+1 Nice Football Bonus (it's been quite enjoyable to watch their games in the past)
+1 Great National Anthem Bonus!
-1 Racist Fans Penalty!
total: +3 points

CZECH REPUBLIC:
+1 Underdog Bonus!
+1 Unexplainable Sympathy Bonus!
+2 Cool Players Bonus!! (Tomáš Rosický, Petr Čech)
+1 Losing EURO 1996 Final On Extra Time Sympathy Bonus!
total: +5 points

GROUP B:

NETHERLANDS:
+2 Cool Shirts Bonus!!
+1 Cool Player Bonus! (Robin van Persie)
+2 Nice Football Bonus!! (the most enjoyable team to watch in 2010 World Cup)
total: +5 points

DENMARK:
+2 Underdog Bonus!!
+1 Epic Victory 1992 Bonus!
+1 Scandinavia Bonus!
+1 A Few Somewhat Cool Players Bonus!
-1 Annoying Player Penalty! (Nicklas Bendtner)
total: +4 points

GERMANY:
+3 Cool Players Bonus!!!! (Manuel Neuer, Thomas Müller, Lukas Podolski)
+1 Nice Football Bonus! (they're hardly the same boring Germany that they once were)
-1 Trophy Hog Penalty! (they've already won the EUROs three times before)
total: +3 points

PORTUGAL:
-2 Diving Bastards Penalty!!
-1 Stupid Haircuts Penalty!
-2 Annoying Players Penalty!! (Pepe, Cristiano Ronaldo)
-1 Pepe Penalty! (a dirty cheating bastard who shouldn't be allowed to play football)
+1 Gotta Find Something Positive To Say About Them Bonus!
+1 Nice Football Bonus! (I guess they play some nice football when they're not diving)
+1 Nice Shirts Bonus!
total: -3 points

GROUP C:

SPAIN:
-2 Hype Penalty!! (they may be very efficient, but they're certainly NOT enjoyable to watch)
+1 Cool Player Bonus (Xabi Alonso)
+1 Nice Shirts Bonus!
-1 Annoying Player Penalty! (Andrés Iniesta)
-1 Diving Bastards Penalty!
-1 Reigning Champions Penalty! (they've won enough trophies for a while already :p)
+1 I Kinda Used To Like Them Bonus!
total: -2 points

ITALY:
-2 Diving Bastards Penalty!!
-3 Annoying Players Penalty!!! (Gianluigi Buffon, Daniele De Rossi, Antonio Cassano)
+1 Just Say No To Totti Bonus! (No Francesco Totti in the team!)
-1 Betting Scandal Penalty!
+1 Roberto Baggio 1994 Penalty Miss Sympathy Bonus!
total: -4 points

REPUBLIC OF IRELAND:
+2 Underdog Bonus!!
+2 A Lot Of Somewhat Cool Players Bonus!!
+1 Unexplainable Sympathy Bonus!
-1 Annoying Manager Penalty! (Giovanni Trapattoni)
-1 Stop Crying About Thierry Henry's Handball Goal Already Penalty!
total: +3 points

CROATIA:
+2 Cool Shirts Bonus!!
+1 A Few Somewhat Cool Players Bonus!
+1 Underdog Bonus!
total: +4 points

GROUP D:

UKRAINE:
+2 Underdog Bonus!!
+1 Cool Player Bonus! (Andriy Shevchenko)
+1 Get Well Soon Bonus! ((http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/18342534))
-1 Racist Fans Penalty!
-1 Bullshit Politics Penalty!
total: +2 points

SWEDEN:
+1 Scandinavia Bonus!
+2 Cool Players Bonus!! (Andreas Isaksson, Olof Mellberg)
-2 Zlatan Ibrahimovic Penalty!!
total: +1 point

FRANCE:
-1 Annoying Player Penalty! (Patrice Evra)
+1 A Few Somewhat Cool Players Bonus!
+1 Nice Football Bonus!
total: +1 point

ENGLAND:
-4 Annoying Players Penalty!!!! (John Terry, Ashley Cole, Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney)
+2 Roy Hodgson Bonus!!
+1 "Woy" Hodgson Sympathy Bonus!
-1 English Sports Media Is A Disgrace Penalty!
-1 Additional John Terry Penalty!
+1 English Football Is Cool Bonus!
+1 Sympathy Point For My English Friends Bonus!
total: -1 point

So, looks like I'll be supporting Czech Republic and Netherlands then, with Croatia and Denmark as other potential candidates. I'd like to add Republic of Ireland on that list too, but the algorithm never lies. :p But as long as none of the teams with minus points win, I'll be happy enough.

I know that only a small minority of TTLGers care about this stuff, but for those of us who enjoy football it's a pretty big thing. So, who's everyone going to support, and who do you think is going to lift the winner's trophy after the final on the 1st of July?

nickie on 8/6/2012 at 11:34

A truly masterful summary!

I shall underwhelmingly be supporting England though I could probably think of a few more minus points. And I have always supported the Netherlands since the glorious 1970s. As to who might win, I don't really mind as long as it's none of the annoying diving bastards teams.

I think Republic of Ireland should have -2 points for the Stop Crying About Thierry Henry's Handball Goal Already Penalty!

Pyrian on 8/6/2012 at 14:48

Heh, the thread title made me think the currency was officially dead on July 1st.

N'Al on 8/6/2012 at 16:33

As per usual, I'll be cheering on both England and Germany, algorithm be damned.
As per usual, this will probably mean being reduced to cheering on just one team after the Quarter Finals.

I also don't mind France doing reasonably well, so that puts me into even more of a dilemma.

I'M SO CONFLICTED!

nickie on 8/6/2012 at 16:54

Have another beer.

1 x first half. 1 x goal. 1 x red card. 3, 4 or 5 x dodgy ref decisions. Looking good. :)

Ulukai on 8/6/2012 at 17:24

I have Greece in our sweepstake. I have lost that pound :(

But it's still preferable to England. Terry is a particularly vicious turd I have no time of day for.

nickie on 8/6/2012 at 17:58

Well he does make my skin crawl just a little. The best thing for England is that the Gutter Press don't seem to expect them to win this time. That must relieve the pressure a bit.

And so, Poland 1 - Greece 1

1 red card apiece. 1 saved penalty. Not the beautiful game by any means. Roll on Russia v Czech Republic. Except it's on ITV damn and blast it.

SubJeff on 8/6/2012 at 21:15

This is going to be... interesting. I don't think we have a hope in hell of winning (or getting very far) but I can't not support the team because of one guy. Come on Ulu, man up.

What I saw of the Greece-Poland game was uninspiring to say the least.

Roll on the Group of Death games!

Ulukai on 9/6/2012 at 22:10

Oh, I'll still support them but I don't rate our chances and I do really despise JT.

Just seem Germany vs Portugal featuring Portugese player slapping German player in the face when the ref wasn't looking. Classy, I don't think. Dirty game. Old adage of a gentleman's game played by thugs springs to mind...

Tomi on 9/6/2012 at 22:30

So both of my favourite teams lose their opening games... Typical. :p

Quote Posted by Subjective Effect

What I saw of the Greece-Poland game was uninspiring to say the least.

Roll on the Group of Death games!

The Greece-Poland game wasn't really much of a classic, but it wasn't all that bad either - at least there was some drama in it. The Group of Death games, however, were a huge letdown. At least Germany were able to beat Portugal, and the last 15 minutes of that match were somewhat enjoyable.

Regarding England, they're not the biggest favourites to win this tournament for sure, but they're a team that you should never underestimate. On a good day they can beat anyone, usually they just don't have those good days very regularly. :p I may have been a bit unfair towards them with all the minus points and stuff, I bet that other countries have annoying players and crap media too, but I just don't know them as well as I know England - I've been following English football since I was a kid, but for some reason I've never cared about their national team that much. I almost like England this year because I really want Roy Hodgson to <s>succeed</s> not fail, but it would make me feel a bit sick to see John Terry lift another trophy. :eww: