Feature-length screenplay for Thief in the works (fan-fiction) - by Thief Screenplay
Thief Screenplay on 26/11/2015 at 03:43
Hi fellow Thief fanatics,
I have nearly finished writing a feature-length screenplay based on the Thief universe (TDP, T2, TDS). It is purely fan-fiction; there are no plans for it to go into production.
The idea for this story was to take a more realistic look at what it would mean to be Garrett. There are moments of athletic dexterity and arcane technology, sure, but mostly what we see is a homeless, misanthropic junkie. When a stolen glyph prophecies that Garrett will determine the final confrontation between Viktoria and the Order of the Hammer, the hidden city factions compete through politics and subterfuge to persuade and control the master thief.
(
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11618045/1/THIEF-Screenplay-Sample) The first scene has been posted here as a teaser. If you give it a read be sure to add a comment! I look at it like signing a guestbook when you visit someone's home.
Thanks for reading!
henke on 26/11/2015 at 11:23
Quite a pickle he gets himself in!
I'd love to read more. :)
nickie on 26/11/2015 at 21:39
I definitely want to know what happens next - really enjoyed that snippet, thank you. :)
Tannar on 29/11/2015 at 07:16
First, welcome to the forum! It's great to see new members, especially creative ones like yourself.
Second, I posted some comments on that page. I included some critiques of what you'd written, and I hope you'll accept them in the spirit in which they were given. :D
Thief Screenplay on 29/11/2015 at 18:14
Hi Tannar, I appreciate the feedback, and it was given through kindness, but I'm really debating whether to display it or not, partly because there are flaws in the understanding of grammar, but mostly because I want the document to stand on its own and your post is the type that will colour others' opinions.
I really don't want to debate grammar, but "jostle" takes both transitive and intransitive forms; "long tableau shot" is a filmic term, so actually "still" is the only adjective (and absolutely a camera shot can stare!); in middle English "premise" certainly can be (and usually was) singular; and "stand mightily" is common, if dated. I also understand how the Calumn/Benny interaction was confusing, but it does make sense. Calumn wasn't going to keep watch over a locked safe (which he only wants opened to check if anything was taken), Benny was supposed to go find Bafford, but he just waited for Calumn to leave so he could take a nap. Future scenes will explain how B and C even knew Garrett was there to begin with.
This isn't to say that these concerns aren't worth bringing up, even if I disagree with them. It's mostly my fault anyways for choosing such an awkward medium (screenwriting) to begin with. You seem to have a knowledge of the language, and you definitely got me thinking! I just don't want the comments section to turn into a grammar laboratory.
Tannar on 2/12/2015 at 19:38
I can appreciate that, and by all means, keep it private. I understand the medium you're using, and I can live with some of the reasoning you give. But I'll take the liberty of pointing out one or two things in response to your comments. First, you will never convince me that a "shot" can "stare". The camera can most certainly stare, but not a "shot". Second, lacking any other substantiation, I can't agree about the use of "premise". The Middle English "premiss" was derived from the Latin praemissa, or praemittere, and meant "to send before, or ahead of" (prae = pre + mittere = to send). This is clearly the same as the usage today: a premise is a leading, or opening statement in an argument.
Those aside, I'll concede the others in favor of artistic expression, with one comment that you might consider. While I'm firmly behind expressing yourself in any way you like, you might consider whether doing so in some cases is shooting yourself in the foot, so to speak. If your audience can't follow what you're saying, or get confused about meanings and word usage, etc., then they are less likely to be paying attention to the story and more likely to get sidetracked into trying to figure out what you mean. Or, as in my case, be unable to get past the medium to enjoy the content. Hardly what you would want, I think.
Lastly, saying that the Callum/Benny thing "does make sense" isn't much help. While it makes sense to you, it clearly didn't to me. It was in no way clear that what you just described was what was actually happening when I read it. I would argue that this is just the kind of feedback you should be looking for. If something didn't come across as well as you thought it did, I'd think you'd want to know about it and rethink how you wrote it. However, I am just one reader, so it's certainly worth getting other feedback before considering changing anything.
All that aside, I am looking forward to the next installment (if there is meant to be one). I suspect the story will be a good one.
Thief Screenplay on 2/12/2015 at 21:12
You're totally right, and the whole project was one of indulgence, which I see as the nature of fan-fiction.
nickie on 2/12/2015 at 21:50
I was going to reply along the lines of Tannar's post but there's more clarity in that.
I think indulgence is fine and I'm really hoping to read more - I want to know what happens next and that's good - for me.
But I do think it's important whether it's fan-fiction, thesis, letter, forum post, whatever, to be as clear as possible. You're posting at TTLG and in a forum like this, many people don't have English as their first language so they google translate which makes it even more important that it's completely clear. The difference between what 'you' write and what 'a person' reads can be vast anyway. You only have to read the language misunderstandings here to know that.
IMO, LGS were brilliant in their writing. Not once was I taken out of the game by a word or a phrase. They wrote for the whole world and not just one country/continent. I'm not a great gamer but is there another game where fans continue to quote so many years later? The writing was memorable and appealed to all regardless of nationality.
I did think premise was a typo (I haven't found a reference to premise in the singular referring to a building). Which is OK, everyone makes typos but you say this wasn't. But I also agree with Tannar that the correct word may not always be the right word. And 'gotten' is a good example. It's a Middle English word which could correctly be used in a Fan Mission, for instance, but is now so completely associated with the US that every time I come across it in a mission, I'm immediately taken out of wherever I am. I see modern, not medieval.
I think it just comes down to doing whatever you can to keep your reader in the world you're creating. And I do think, in that snippet, that you're doing a pretty good job of that. Attention to detail, though, is everything. :)
Tannar on 2/12/2015 at 22:18
Quote Posted by Thief Screenplay
You're totally right, and the whole project was one of indulgence, which I see as the nature of fan-fiction.
Definitely so. Indulge away!
@ Nickie: I used to be bothered by your jabs at Yanks, but I've gotten over it. :cheeky:
