Thief13x on 25/2/2011 at 04:24
Does anyone else do this? It must be some kind of mental disease or something, but does anyone else avoid thinking about something/someone because they know once they start down that thought path how far down it goes?
I'm talking about (only for example) maybe that one person you had a huge crush on and asked out, only to find out that they weren't interested, but the longer you stayed friends with them the more you realized you had to break off the friendship to stop thinking about them. Now, weeks later you have gotten past thinking about them every day, but know that if you see that picture you'll start down that same road again of obsessive thinking.
This is what I mean when I talk about hiding from thoughts. It's like knowing that if you think about a certain thing or person, you will get into the trap of obsessing over it or them that only gets worse the more you think about them/it. So you spend your days with a catious respect, never getting too close but always hearing just enough to remind you what's in that dark corner. Sometimes you tempt the dark and lean closer, and the terrible noise grows louder, just enough so you back off and remind your self that you don't want to fuck with that...oh but only if you could look the other way and forget about it completely.
Am I talking crazy or has anyone else experienced these demons? Do you try to not think about these or face them head on?
Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with a person, but that was the closest practical feeling I could think to describe a much larger issue.
Going to sleep on a lesser scale. The more you think about going to sleep and the harder you try, the more sleepless you become many times.
reizak on 25/2/2011 at 08:59
(
http://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/091113%20Avoidance.mp3) Here's Thanissaro Bhikkhu on the topic of avoidance. He's a very smart (buddhist) guy and maybe there's something relevant there for your situation.
Genuinely facing our thoughts is one of the hardest things in life so I'm sure everyone has things they'd rather avoid thinking about, but it's not healthy in the long term to fight your own thoughts. Then again often mulling over something really
doesn't do any good, but even then you have to accept that you are having those thoughts, and if it's not something you can work through right then, at least don't try to deny them. Just tell yourself that while there's an issue there, you're putting it aside for the moment because fretting over it isn't doing you any good, and think or do something to distract yourself. But yeah, if it's a recurring long-term issue then you probably do have to go all the way down the rabbit hole at some point, with professional help if necessary. It might be hard but in the end it's easier than the alternative. Maybe that's a trite reply but it's the best I can come up with right now.
Vasquez on 25/2/2011 at 11:08
The crush-type love is obsessive by default ;)
Quote Posted by reizak
it's not healthy in the long term to fight your own thoughts.
Even more harmful is to fight one's own emotions, and that's what often manifests as obsessive thoughts.
I'm not saying one should always act on every feeling that might rise (it would obviously be a madhouse madhouse), but accepting and "going through" emotions is the best way to lay them in rest.
I've heard of many psychiatrists worry about the way normal emotions, like grief, are nowadays often treated as some kind of illness - with drugs that suppress emotions, instead of accepting what we're feeling, dealing with it and then moving on. I know the "live your feelings" stuff sounds terribly new ageish, but IMO it's based on common sense. The longer you try to ignore some negative thing that's eating you, the more damage it does.
fett on 25/2/2011 at 13:54
I can't really apply this to love, but I definitely do this when it comes to remembering some of the bone-headed stuff I did while in the ministry, particularly reflecting on the time I wasted. I get into a downward spiral of depression and have to just not think about it. Telling myself that my motivations were pure doesn't really help. It's difficult to pick out only the good things or the good moments to offset the bad, so it's better to look ahead instead of back. I know this needs to be dealt with directly at some point, but I'm not sure how to do it, or if it would even help. At first, I thought reconnecting with some of the people in my old church or ministries would help, but it only creates awkward disconnects because my life is in a totally different place now, and it reminds me of what I used to be like. :erg:
Dia on 25/2/2011 at 15:07
Quote Posted by Vasquez
I've heard of many psychiatrists worry about the way normal emotions, like grief, are nowadays often treated as some kind of illness - with drugs that suppress emotions, instead of accepting what we're feeling, dealing with it and then moving on.
It's true: after my husband died, my doctor tried prescribing anti-depression pills for me, but I stopped taking them since they just made me feel wired. I then went to a psychologist who started treating me for 'Complicated Grief Syndrome' and went through 8 mos. of grief therapy. In the end, it was up to me to just face my grief, pain, and sorrow, deal with it, then move on. But even now, 4 & 1/2 yrs. later, I still have to slam certain doors in my head to keep from falling into that abyss which is obsessing about Bart's death and the pain surrounding it. There's a difference between not dealing with certain past emotionally upsetting issues by using avoidance and using avoidance to prevent yourself from going back and revisiting/dwelling on still very painful issues once you've worked through them - at least to the point where you can once again move forward with your life.
AR Master on 25/2/2011 at 15:20
thief you are broken i am afraid suicide is the only answer
the_grip on 25/2/2011 at 16:10
Maybe try looking into some relaxation methods. Sounds like you are obsessive (I can empathize) and learning to chill out is helpful.
Bluegrime on 25/2/2011 at 16:38
Back when I drank I used to have to avoid thinking about things that had made me mad. Several times I wound up taking out anger that had nothing to do with the people involved on friends/family/strangers and had to almost constantly surround myself with some kind of distraction. Vapid conversation and music usually did the trick for me but if I ever had to spend too long in the quiet with no one to sidetrack me I would end up bitterly depressed or angry. I also had a great deal of trouble sleeping, since all the thoughts I didn't want to have tended to boil up from under the seams when I tried to relax and close my eyes.
But that was then. I don't touch the booze anymore and I've worked out most of the things that were riding on me with the parties involved.. And in hindsight drinking didn't do a damned thing except make things worse. I probably would have been a much healthier person much sooner if I had directly confronted the thoughts I wanted to avoid, rather then trying to hide from them. I think of it like a game of hide and seek, kind of.. If you've got a friend and your just talking and hanging out then thats fine. But when it becomes a game to try and hide from them, your heart will start racing and your nerves will get wired just by hearing them approach. Same kind of thing with thoughts, for me at least.
Edit - Also @ OP, try looking up hypnotherapy recordings. That worked pretty well for me. I'm not very "good" at being hypnotized but the thing that did it for me was having someone ask my questions that I didn't have to answer out loud. It made me think much more about the question and my answer rather then just blurting out something to make my therapist quit asking.. The other upside is the lack of a person in the room to be the "antagonist" if they end up asking questions that hit too close to home or that you don't want to answer. gl & hf with your issues, bud.
catbarf on 25/2/2011 at 17:16
After my father died, I tried to ignore the awful sequence of events that led up to his death- it was something I just wanted to forget entirely, and remember the happier times before then. I was 13 and pretty much completely unable to deal with it, and it took me several years to really come to terms with reality. In my case, trying to avoid certain thoughts only made it harder for me to accept the facts of what had happened.
Think it through, entertain those thoughts, and get over it. I know that sounds harsh, but it's better to be rid of your demons and have a clear head than to let it stew for years. Reality may hurt, but it's better to deal with it now than avoid what you really think.
mxleader on 25/2/2011 at 17:57
I think maybe the clinical diagnosis, as an armchair Psychiatrist, is that you, Thief13x, are a stalker. :)
