Yakoob on 23/12/2011 at 21:35

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The built-in movie player in the seat of the 16 hour flight was broken. I should have known right then and there that this was only the beginning of the exponentially compounding clusterfuck that is my return home.

Day 2

I woke up at 4am, still dealing with the crazy jetlag and feeling my throat getting funky - sickness abound. But first thing's first - mission for the day: get a phone. Pretty simple, right? Go online, get a plan, order a phone, wait two days, done. Except my landlord's internet has been defunct for several months now. Luckily, one of the neighbors forgot to password protect their router. Unluckily, their internet just died last night, so putting porn on their shared drive is about all I can do.

I boot up the laptop, the fan does a quick screech and promptly dies. Great. Estimated use time before overheat induced shutdown: 20 minutes. Did I mention it's my only source of income as a freelance web designer? Oh, and the neighbor's internet is still down.

Nevermind that. After a hearty breakfast where I manage to spill a good cup of oil all over myself, counters and the floor, I start walking to the local library to use their internet. Fuck, I could really use a bike. I finally get there and... it's closed for repairs. Awesome. I get back, fuck around with the laptop, and manage to fix the fan (luckily it was just clogged up). It's running nicely, but still no internet. Well, it's time to go what I did at Uni - get to the nearest Starbucks and buy the cheapest coffee to get online.

Wait. Where is a starbucks? I need to use the internet to look up where starbucks is so I can use the internet. Catch fucking Twenty Two.

It's noon. I feel tired and my nose is starting to get really runny. Giving up on the phone I instead choose to walk to store to do groceries, get some oranges to boost my vitamin Cs. I also manage to find out where a starbucks is from the clerks, so the phone plan is back on. I promptly grab my laptop and head out. My knee is aching slightly for some reason, so I jump on the nearest bus instead. And by jump, I mean wait half an hour for it to arrive. I really need a better mode of transportation.

The "barista" fucked up my cappuccino. I didn't even know you could fuck up a cappuccino but apparently you can. But whatever, that's not what I'm here for - the Internet. I go to att's site and find a good refurbished phone with a big online-only discount. Finally, mission accomplished.

Or Not.

So my debit card points to my old address from my university, and they will only ship to the billing address. Fuck.

Change of address will take a while to take effect. I also discover that my US card expires in about a week. My bank was nice enough to mail me a new one to the wrong address without ever notifying me of it. So now I need to change my address, get a new card, and notify them of a "lost" one. All within a week or I will lose access to all my funds.

Day 3

I'm sick. Screw the world.

Day 4

I go down to the store with the knee irking slightly more. On my way I notice the library is open again. Oh the joy. I jump on the opportunity and try to get the phone again. Except now the special discount phone I wanted is sold out. Dammit. I go with a crappy one and get raped with tax equal to 80% of the phone price (how the fuck is this even possible)? Nevermind, I need a phone, and I need to pay for it before my current card expires.

Sick of all the walking and infrequent buses I go to the nearest bike store. I give the lady my driver's license to hold on to while I take a few of them for a spin. Nice handling. I like it. But I'm a prudent buyer; I'll check a few more stores tomorrow before I buy anything. Excited that at least one thing is going well, I stop by the nearby bakery to get some nicer bread when it hits - my license! I rush back into the store and, of course, the lady just left and took it with her. The store guy gives me their card and tells me to call them tomorrow. I don't have a phone. Fuck. I'll come back in the morning.

It's about 7pm and it's dark and cold. My nose is runny as hell at this point and the bus isn't coming. I walk back; or rather, stumble. The knee that was aching slightly a few days ago is now killing me. I should probably get it checked out. If only it started hurting a week earlier when I was abroad and had free health insurance. But that would have been too easy...

Day 5

I set out to get my driver license back in the morning, and walk out to the bus stop. And wait. and wait and wait and - you know what, fuck this. I waited an hour and the bus didn't come. I figure I'll try again in evening peak hours when the bus is supposed to be a bit more frequent. I check the mail on the way back and the phone isn't in, so I guess it won’t be here until after Christmas. Crap.

So i return to my room which is where I am right now, still somewhat jetlagged, only half able to walk places, with a constantly runny nose, no health insurance, no mode of transport, no phone, a laptop that almost gave out, spotty internet connection, a bank card with incorrect address about to expire, and missing driver license.

Nnnggghhh....

PeeperStorm on 24/12/2011 at 01:23

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Words that have never been typed on the internet before.

SubJeff on 24/12/2011 at 09:24

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Karma.

You're the type of person that uses an unsecured network and instead of being grateful puts porn on the shared drive when you can't get online. This is called being an asshole.

Karma.

This story made me smile.

Yakoob on 24/12/2011 at 16:07

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You're the type of a person who misses obvious exaggerations.

Yakoob on 24/12/2011 at 17:40

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I actually woke up at 4:23am instead of 4 on the dot, but dont tell anyone about that http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v474/Koobazaur/emot/emot-ssh.gif

EDIT: And to top it off, the morning bus either came way too early or didnt show up at all so I missed my train to go see a few friends I haven't seen in a year and a half for xmas. Seriously, wtf is up with this week?