Vasquez on 16/5/2011 at 17:20
What a strange story, and I'm glad it's obviously a happy thing for everyone involved :)
Quote Posted by Subjective Effect
This is my most base nightmare - that someone from my past turns up with a kid and says he/she is yours.
Would be mine, too, if I was a guy. But fortunately it's quite unlikely to happen to a woman :p
gunsmoke on 17/5/2011 at 02:51
Quote Posted by PigLick
Why did your ex wait so long for the paternity test? As you mentioned, there were major clues.
Probably major denial, honestly. I mean put yourself in her shoes. I applaud her for doing it at all, actually. She has a relationship with her boyfriend for 11 years now and they all thought they were family. It would have been easy to just roll with it.
And he, amazingly enough, was my arch enemy. I have beat him up 3 times. Once to a bloody pulp in a bar fight after he broke a pool cue over my head. He is NOT taking this well. He is being all pissy and Jen told him to send me an email and let out anything he was feeling so we can build a dialogue and move past this.
We haven't seen each other for over a decade, so I have no problem with him, nor have I in years. He was always jealous of me, and seemed to date every girl I had already dated. I guess he got sick of finding out every girl he would get into a relationship with had been with me at one time or another and was still friends with me.
I want to be friends with the guy, not make things any harder for him, or ANY one involved.
MY wifey is NOT taking this well. AT ALL. She has told me she is jealous and up-fucking-set that she wasn't the one to give me my first child. She is also all pissed that possibly one day her stupid fucking work-out room may have to have a futon and some amenities in it for Lena to stay over. :tsktsk:
PigLick on 17/5/2011 at 03:09
Quote Posted by gunsmoke
Probably major denial, honestly. I mean put yourself in her shoes. I applaud her for doing it at all, actually. She has a relationship with her boyfriend for 11 years now and they all thought they were family. It would have been easy to just roll with it.
This is exactly what I was getting at, I know some women this has happened to and they have just let things be, because after so long too many painful emotions and mental fuckery get in the way. Good luck with this, but I certainly dont envy you (i dont mean about having a daughter, i have 2 myself). I dont know how your relationship is with your current partner, but dont ignore or belittle what she may be feeling, I would be a total mess if my partner sprung this on me.
Koki on 17/5/2011 at 07:37
Quote Posted by gunsmoke
Jen told him to send me an email and let out anything he was feeling so we can build a dialogue and move past this.
Good God...
gunsmoke on 17/5/2011 at 10:25
Quote Posted by PigLick
This is exactly what I was getting at, I know some women this has happened to and they have just let things be, because after so long too many painful emotions and mental fuckery get in the way. Good luck with this, but I certainly dont envy you (i dont mean about having a daughter, i have 2 myself). I dont know how your relationship is with your current partner, but dont ignore or belittle what she may be feeling, I would be a total mess if my partner sprung this on me.
Yeah, my daughter won't be like all up in my girl's face for a while. She has been pretty open, and basically said she isn't going anywhere, she just wants to let it soak in. When she got home from work, I guess she talked to her best work-friend about it and she told her that her husband was a giant man-whore and this could happen to them sometime. That kinda put it in perspective for her and she came home in better spirits.
Apparently, I am due to receive a giant bunch of pictures in order from birth to the present day, on Wednesday. Her mom and I are having a pow-wow to start planning things out. We aren't taking it to court for visitation and child support. Like I said, I am not trying to rip her out of her established family, I just want to be available, maybe go to her softball games, maybe she can come run my jump box when I drag race, go fishing, little stuff. We aren't doing up a bedroom or anything like that. She has a home, and one is enough. She's at a critical age, where life is confusing enough. I need time to learn how to be a dad, too. Everyone always tells me I would be the awesomest dad ever, I guess it is time to find out!
So no, don't envy me.
p.s. I think I may have to sell the drag bike and just keep the car. The bike has got squirrelly on me a few times, and all I need is to get killed now. The car has 5 point belts and a roll cage and I wear a fire-liner under the leathers. Not risk-free, but a heck of a lot more safe than the Kawasaki.
Vasquez on 17/5/2011 at 10:31
Oops, so everyone not terribly happy then :( Let's hope things work out for the best anyway.
Quote Posted by gunsmoke
I guess she talked to her best work-friend about it and she told her that her husband was a giant man-whore and this could happen to them sometime.
Completely OT from gunny's daughter, but ????? :eek:
Dia on 17/5/2011 at 14:37
Quote Posted by gunsmoke
BTW, she asked me if she could have a boyfriend already. I guess Jen told her 'not yet' last month and she's trying to work me. :)
Beware of the old 'divide and conquer' ploy that kids use. Communication between parents is essential to avoid falling for that trap. ;) The little devils!
Quote Posted by gunsmoke
MY wifey is NOT taking this well. AT ALL. She has told me she is jealous and up-fucking-set that she wasn't the one to give me my first child. She is also all pissed that possibly one day her stupid fucking work-out room may have to have a futon and some amenities in it for Lena to stay over. :tsktsk:
Good that your wife is being honest with her feelings on the matter. As Piggy said, don't discount or try to invalidate your wife's feelings; this is as much of a shock to her as it is for you. I had the same kind of feeling when my late husband told me his daughter was coming to live with us for a few years; suddenly my 'territory' was being infringed on, and I was supremely jealous, even though she was only a child. Counselling worked wonders for all involved; I highly recommend it.
demagogue on 17/5/2011 at 16:03
In other news: Arnold the Govenator (
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/17/arnold-schwarzenegger-fathered_n_862867.html) announced today he fathered a child with one of his household staff a decade ago. This explains why Maria Shriver wanted the break.
Thankfully your situation isn't like this, considering yours was with a bona fide girlfriend and Arnold's situation makes it look like he knew the child was his from the beginning and kept it from his family the whole time (and IIUC the mother kept working for them until this year), which is a whole other dimension of jerk that doesn't apply to you. Probably always better in the end to be open and deal with things, if gently. Life happens & feelings happen, so you deal with them as best you can. Sounds like you're taking things the right way, considering all the issues & people & feelings that all get involved.
Enchantermon on 17/5/2011 at 17:41
She's beautiful! :D And I love the name!
That's awesome man, though the turmoil is unfortunate. I hope emotions can settle down soon and you can have a great relationship with her. :)
gunsmoke on 18/5/2011 at 01:18
Yeah, thanks all. And I appreciate the advice. I am SOOOO glad Jen and I are friends again. We were best friends for a decade before we got into a relationship and it sucke more to lose her as a friend than as a girlfriend. She agreed.
That said, my wifey called a lawyer today... :mad: I am upset, though I said nothing to her about this. Jen wants nothing but the ability for her daughter to have me be available. SHE HAS A FAMILY. God, this sucks. We still want her to consider Jason her Dad, and just know that I am biological. I am available, but not a home wrecker. We aren't in need of lawyers and it sucks that my wife went there first thing. I would live in a trashcan if it meant my child was ok. I guess not everyone would, though.
