fett on 26/2/2012 at 19:01

---

I'm so fucking sick and tired of only posting depressing stuff on TTLG. So everyone grab whatever makes you happy and listen up. It seems like all I talk about anywhere anymore is my health, but at the same time, I'm humbled that people seem to want to know how it's going.

I was in Boston again Thursday and started the evaluation for transplant. Between being poked and prodded in every orifice, I shared with my doc (officially named Rock Star from here forward) my fear that I would die on the list, waiting for a heart. He essentially said, "Fuck that shit. You're not going to die at all. I don't lose people off my list. It's my fucking list and you're not allowed to die on it." Well, I'm paraphrasing, but he says people with my condition don't die on lists, they just eventually sit around wishing they could until they get transplanted, because no joke, it is going to get really awful eventually. I mean, even now, I'm sitting here with a lot of chest pain, sedentary most of the time, sleeping 2-3 hours at at time.

But I'm with him. I'm going to beat this and I'm going to be healthy again. I force myself to write, cook, play with my kids, explore wherever we're living, have sex, care about things. That all sounds enjoyable, but it's not - it's painful and exhausting. But fuck it, I will not give this thing the satisfaction of beating me. I'm angry that it thinks it can. So enjoy your Unicorn, there's plenty more where that came from.

june gloom on 26/2/2012 at 20:49

---

Keep on fighting the good fight. You show that heart condition who's boss.

(Can schadenfreude be "grabbed?" Is it possible to grasp one's fingers around an abstract concept?)

Renzatic on 26/2/2012 at 22:18

---

Unicorn Power? ...indeed.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/3018396/PBF253-The_Last_Unicorns.jpg

Mr.Duck on 28/2/2012 at 02:42

---

Emiliano Zapata (Moustache + sombrero guy from the Mexican Revolution) said "Prefiero morir de pie que vivir de rodillas.". Then Ernesto "Che" Guevara used it, apparently. It means: I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

Obviously their context was considerably different than yours, but I think the message here is clear: you can cower and submit with a meek face to your fate or you can face it standing tall, even if the cost of doing so is high, because it is the right and worthy thing to do.

Living life by itself is already hard. For many those hardships can be tenfold. You, my good man, are a brave and inspiring soul to keep chin up and continue the good fight of better living, not just for you, but also for your loved ones despite the difficulty of your situation. Continue to kick ass and be an inspiration, dude. The same for all TTLGers that are facing strong adversities right now in their lives (I'm talkind to you, Dia sunshine). It won't rain forever, even if sometimes it feels like it.

Also, every time I think about you (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7DFsBcVMDA) -this- pops into my mind! :D

You keep on rocking and living, son. And doc Rock Star is crrectomundo until proven otherwise, so YARRRR!!!

Kolya on 28/2/2012 at 21:03

---

Awww!

Wait a second! I don't even like dogs! :mad: