Sulphur on 12/10/2011 at 21:00

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So my PC's finally back from the shop after my normal 'clear fuckdust from CPU fans with q-tips' Friday turned into a massive 'how do I fit the cooler's dinky plastic plugs back into the fecking sockets' clusterfuck which involved a) a massive lack of patience on my part, and b) the knowledge I've earned from my years learning physics that trying to push something firm and plasticky and made of FUCK YOU into a round hole can sometimes break that something with a sickening crack and crunch and snap that renders the entire cooler useless.

So my PC now proudly has a CoolerMaster jobbie bolted across the heart of its Intel-powered innards. The damn heatsink's bigger than my (larger than average) fist and clamped down across the CPU with the force of a thousand clenched anuses faced with the prospect of a heat sink bigger than my larger than average fist being inserted into them.

I think I'm in love.


SO ANYWAY, to commemorate this day some (http://www.beamdog.com/) shitwipes who were once part of Bioware and as fond of dogs as I am of six-limbed cats with cockboobs and asspussies released MDK2 in HD.

'BUT WAITAMINNIT, FUCKNUG,' you say. 'MDK2 was always capable of running at HD resolutions.'

Indeed. But these shitwipes, they've redone much of the art and textures and given it extra razmatazz, y'know, like an actual HD'ing and shit. (http://www.beamdog.com/products/mdk2-hd) Looks sweet.

The only thing is, the barrier to entry is the entry mechanism itself. No, there's no big analogy about screws and holes tying back to my opening spiel. Okay, maybe there is one.

So there's your intent to play the game. Which is your dick. There's also this shop storefront game client, see. Beamdog. That's the hole. And there's MDK 2, which is the OMFGAWESOMEGASM you want when you stick your dick in the hole.

But you want to get your rocks off, you stick your dick in the right hole. With patience. It's a tiny hole, see. A tiny client. Else there's a *crack* and a *snap*, and you become intimately familiar with the term 'penis fracture', in so many words.

So yeah. No. I shoehorned that analogy in for no particular reason except it's 2:30 A.M. and my mind works this way at these times. And I'm not apologising for it. Also, because it's an 'anal'-ogy. Hahahahah hrrrrrrrrk *snort*

So check out them screenshots. (Big versions cuz Kurt has a nice ass.)

(Also because I'm lazy it's 2:30 in the morning and what the fuck I ain't doing no bitch resize batch job when I need to go to sleep with my hand wrapped around my dick masturbating to videos of Tom Waits hollering about Jesus and devil's holes... man that man has a dirty mouth)

http://www.beamdog.com/assets/products/9322/original/MDK2HD_Compare_CS1A_001.jpg?1318030871

http://www.beamdog.com/assets/products/9328/original/MDK2HD_Screen_CS1A_002.jpg?1318031009

http://www.beamdog.com/assets/products/9332/original/MDK2HD_Screen_DH_JDL_003.jpg?1318031197

Sulphur on 13/10/2011 at 06:23

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Aw, but it's purty and stuff and and...

Yeah. MDK 2 was a good game and all, but not the most replayable thing ever. I never finished it back in the day, so that's the reason why I got this version. Looks nice, sounds nice, plays nice. Only thing: Beamdog.

What kind of goddamn name is Beamdog, anyway? And why there's no offline mode to run the game with, I have no idea.

nicked on 13/10/2011 at 16:34

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Is it just me, or is the new art direction rubbish? They look too realistic and have lost a lot of cartoony charm.

gunsmoke on 17/10/2011 at 14:01

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I was thinking the same thing.

gunsmoke on 19/10/2011 at 05:01

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Doesn't make the game any less frustrating, though. Goddamn, you must have the patience of a saint to finish this the FIRST time, let alone go back for more in an HD remake. Count me the hell out. Once was enough, I am not a masochist.