Renzatic on 19/1/2012 at 19:56
Quote Posted by Sulphur
Ultrasound? A boy? A girl? How exciting! And I thought this whole male pregnancy thing was just a 4chan meme.
Fingers crossed, we're hoping for a girl. But we'll be happy with whatever we get. :angel:
Okay, so my nuts are covered in goop, and I got to spend 20 minutes having this lady run a what looked like a giant epilator over my crotchal area. No hairs were removed, so I'm guessing that was the ultrasound wand.
I don't have any news just yet. All I got to see was the image of the inside of my scrotum. My balls? Round, smooth, and perfectly symmetrical. And of course gigantic. That goes without saying. I can't exactly read an ultrasound image, but I'm guessing the smoothness, roundness, and general overall symmetry means I don't have any strange testicular issue. Really, the only odd thing about it was I wasn't there to get my nuts scanned. But whatever. I guess it was a new customer incentive thing. Like a BOGO deal. COME IN FOR THE CROTCH SCAN, GET YOUR BALLS DONE WHILE YOU WAIT!
This week has been, by and far, the most awkward of my life. I swear, all kinds of strangers have seen my junk by this point. At least the lady doing the ultrasound had better bedside manners and a sense of gentleness, as opposed to my doctor, who pretty much shoved four fingers in my scrotal cavity with enough force to break cinder blocks, and asked if it hurts.
Nicker on 19/1/2012 at 23:19
Quote Posted by Renzatic
This week has been, by and far, the most awkward of my life.
You need to try gastrointestinal surgery then. Nothing says medical humiliation like having an orderly snip the stitches reinforcing your inflatable rectal catheter, before removing it, while your visitors hover just beyond the curtains...
On the upside, those run of the mill, annual check-up embarrassments become rather ho-hum afterwards.
Srsly, I hope you don't have to undergo that sort of discomfort and that this all turns out to be a microbial misunderstanding.
SubJeff on 20/1/2012 at 00:17
Where as I do hope it's simply microbes and that this over-cautiousness is all for nought. Better safe than sorry and all that.
Yeah PigLick, that post was directed at Dia. Everything you said comes as no surprise and nor should it.
Renzatic on 25/1/2012 at 01:00
I received my phone call. The dreaded one. Got it while I was driving down the interstate about an hour. I braced myself for the worst, and listened to what the nurse had to say...
No masses on anything, which is good, blah blah blah (something that sounded like rot, which was kind of scary) blah blah hydrocele. She talked incredibly fast, and I had my window cracked. I could barely understand what she was saying.
Okay. Hydrocele? What's that? Will I drop dead from this in the next 4 days? Will I find myself lying in a cold hospital bed, lingering on, my hold upon this mortal coil held fast by only the barest of threads within the next few months due to this?
She said no. Okay. I'm alright with that diagnosis then.
So, here's the thing. The first thing I do is go home and look up what a hydrocele actually is. And you know what? It doesn't exactly describe much of anything I've been feeling these last couple of months. My nuts? My oh so precious nuts? Not swollen in the least. Though ole lefty, which used to be the low hanger, is now a goodly bit higher up than it used to be, and doesn't ascend and descend nearly as much. It's been transfixed in the same position for a couple of weeks now. The only change is that it feels like it's starting to list slightly to the left.
Everything else? Hydroceles are supposedly painless, and I've been feeling some pain, let me tell you. They also apparently feel like a water balloon in your scrotum. My scrotum? No changes there, besides nut left frozen in place.
So now I don't know what the hell is going on. I still feel that quite singular bit of pain along the left side of my groin, and my diagnosis doesn't seem to match my symptoms. Well, I go talk to my doctor in 6 days, so maybe he'll have a more detailed explanation for me.
Kolya on 25/1/2012 at 01:09
I feel so close to you right now.
Renzatic on 25/1/2012 at 01:11
Hold me. :(
Kolya on 25/1/2012 at 19:42
* Kolya tries to stay serious and...fails
Hahahaaha!! Oh man, you'll be fine.
However don't let them doctors fob you off with explanations that don't fit your symptoms. They're scum. Most of them anyway.
Al_B on 26/1/2012 at 00:37
Quote Posted by Kolya
your symptoms. They're scum.
If Renz starts leaking scum from "down there" then I definitely think he needs to get that checked out.
Ghostly Apparition on 4/2/2012 at 07:26
So? What have we learned?... we learned that if we have a very painful potentially serious medical condition..the best course of action is to suffer thru the pain, and avoid going to the doctor for at least 2 months. Also, and this is very important..You absolutely must look up any and all potential diseases that it might be on webmd..in order to scare yourself silly, oh and make sure you post on internet forum that you're scared as a little girl to go to the doctor because GASP! It may be embarrassing. Then only after much berating by your internet forum buddies do you finally actually go to the doctor. :)
Renzatic on 4/2/2012 at 19:28
It was an awkward experience altogether, but I've learned so much from it, and have grown as a person. Horizons were expanded.
Also, my propensity for being lax about internet updating has kept you all from the thrilling (semi) conclusion of my ordeal. I have:
- Two hydroceles. A moderately sized one along the left side, and a small one along the right.
- One Epididymal cyst, Spermatocele, Or something very much like.
Basically, my crotch has little pockets that collect all the various fluids flowing about my vast nethers, and swell like water balloons. As long as they stay a manageable size, there isn't anything particularly harmful about them. If they get too big, they'll push on the surrounding tissue, and cause a goodly bit of pain. Worst case scenario? TESTICULAR TORSION!
In short, I'm not dying, or suffering from some horrible disease that'll completely ruin my quality of life. Though if the worst case scenario does come to pass, I'll apparently wish I were dying.
There's only a couple of bits I find strange about my diagnosis, which I'm now wishing I consulted my doctor on. When they do get too big, there are obvious external symptoms. Swelling. Enlarging. Weirdening. I have no external symptoms. Other than the fact that ole lefty (henceforth referred to as Zog) doesn't move around nearly as much anymore, the landscape down there hasn't seen much change.
The pain isn't exactly where I'd expect it to be. It does start behind Zog, but it shoots upwards towards my waist and upper left hip, and feels like my entire pubic region is being strained and pulled. Most descriptions of my symptoms describe the accompanying pain as mild to slightly uncomfortable. My Thanksgiving weekend in Hell that started off this epic saga of being poked, prodded, and examined medically was just that. It HURT. To the point where I initially assumed I had a bladder infection.
But, the ultrasounds came up negative on anything but the aforementioned anomalies. No tumors, masses, or anything else. And the pain is mostly a tugging pressure than a burning, someone-grinding-their-knuckle-into-a-very-tender-spot sensation. Sometimes the symptoms will go away for days at a time.
So whatever it is, whatever these water balloons are pulling on whenever they expand, I've hopefully lived through the worst of it. And if it does come back, if they swell again, knowing what it is will make the experience considerably more endurable next time.
