My turn to talk endlessly about myself in seeking cartharsis - by Volitions Advocate
Volitions Advocate on 25/7/2013 at 10:23
Since this seems to be a trending thing for some users here, I thought I'd open up and share some frustration as well, especially since I don't really open up much on this forum. I figure I'd pick your collective brains, maybe get some advice, and basically just to vent to a group of probably like-minded individuals. So I'm going to unload on you a bit here and hope to find some stress relief, or possibly even some help.
I finished my degree program this last Christmas and I've been looking for work since then, doing everything I can to stay afloat. I have a Bachelors degree in Music now, majoring in Digital Audio Arts. It's been a really rewarding experience learning all that I have and I'm pretty confident in my abilities. My training started like every music majors does. Theory, History, Aural Skills, without the juries and practicing. My major isn't an instrument major so I didn't have to play for the conservatory. My 'instrument' was supposed to be the computer / mixing console / calculator / my brain. I moved on from the basic curriculum into things like audio production, music technology, audio synthesis, acoustics, data structures and algorithms, computer mediated performance, human / computer interaction, composition, and the like. It was a very multimedia focused degree. Could have almost been a B.F.A. rather than a B. Music aside from the very focused conservatory component.
One let down of being in school was that I actually never really got to play at all, I was too busy writing essays, programming simple audio software, and inventing gadgets for music control. I actually quit my band going into school (more like the band broke up between a combination of that and our lead singer getting pregnant), and unfortunately had little time or inspiration to continue writing music or playing. This is of little consequence really aside from me being quite rusty, which is not why I'm writing this novel for you guys.
I had decided early on in my studies that I was not there to be the next Bob Rock or Timbaland. I wasn't there to start my illustrious career as a huge record producer who was going to be a whiz on the board and write songs and record bands. I understand that the industry doesn't work like that and nobody is really going to care about your degree, they're more worried about how good you were at cleaning the studios toilet and how fast (and accurate) you were while you were out to pick up Starbucks for everybody. It's a 'who you know' type of business where freak luck and talent that can be cultivated is the only real law. I was interested in other aspects....
There is a promoter that lives in town that does very well for himself, and he donated $200K to our program since it was new, and the provincial gov't somehow managed to match his contribution. So the faculty set up a scholarship program in his name to award academic achievement, and started a yearly research scholarship for students who submit a great plan. Well I won that first year and went on to recruit a small team and built some software with our small budget. I think it was a success. It was fun, even if it was stressful (and entirely extra-curricular). I enjoyed the R&D side of things and thought maybe that's the way I wanted to go. So I took all of the classes that I could that were not mandatory. Programming for Music Applications, and Applied Research (2 semesters worth), that kind of thing, to try to round out my skills and give me a broader perspective. I joined the Audio Engineering Society and now read their publication every month. (including the Job Board)
I get excited when I think about designing something. Gadget, instrument, software. Whatever. More excited than I do when I think about recording somebody or something, or mixing a show. It's not like I don't like doing those things, but they don't get me going quite like screwing around with the gear, and inventing or improving things does.
All of that aside, fast forward to post-degree life. I started searching for jobs that would interest me or that would at least give me the opportunity to work in my field and get something good on my resume. The AES job board had some pretty cool stuff on it. Focusrite was hiring in the UK, what seemed like a dream job, building software and designing preamps for their sapphire stuff. But they want an electronics engineer, not an audio guy. Dolby is ALWAYS hiring, Frankfurt, Nuremberg, Stockholm, San Francisco, awesome stuff. But only software engineers, no audio guys. Looking at all the big names. Roland, Bose, Avid. They all want engineers of anything but the “audio” variety. So I start looking at production companies. I have worked for a local crewing company and managed to get on the local crews for some cool shows. Johnny Reid, Jeff Dunham, Wizard of Oz, that kind of thing. So I go looking for them.... except I can't find them.. anywhere. Can't Google them, have no idea what you CALL a business like that. Production company doesn't really bring up much of use.
So I go to a Marianas Trench concert with my wife because she's a really big fan. And I all but accost the Front Of House guy to ask him the name of his company. He tells me “I work for the band, but all these guys work for Clair Brothers”. OK... Cool, never heard of them. Which is kind of insane considering they're the biggest name in big time productions on the planet, They're global, and huge, and I've never heard of them. A search of their website only yields a job posting for a warehouse manager in California. .. ok... keep looking.
I finally end up getting a job in a city a 4 hours drive from my home that uses inflatable movie screens (astro jump style) to screen movies outdoors. Like a movie-in-the-park kind of thing, or drive-ins. I apply and right away they give me the regional manager position, excited about the fact that I have a degree and seem to be dependable.
Dropping all of my plans I head to this job thinking “it has SOME amount of audio in it so it should help me out.” As it turns out the pay scale is set up to get me to work mega overtime (not something I'm opposed to in the right circumstances) without getting paid overtime hours for it because of some loophole, and I'm basically on-call 24/7. After 2 months I realized that while I was getting more money than I ever had before (not by a LOT mind you), that I was losing all of it in the expenses involved in renting a small apartment in that city (since I didn't live there and owned a house in my own town) and gas driving back and forth every week. Also the realization that on a professional level, this company is a joke and really has zero effect on my CV other than to show that I have management experience, zero help on the audio front. I lose all of my savings (which wasn't much) to these expenses and have to quit the job or lose my house.
Back to square one, except without the jobs I had before taking this cinema job. Now I’m working for 15 bucks an hour again.
Then I get a great opportunity. The local guy who gets all of the good sound contracts finally replies to my phone call, he remembers me from all the times he did sound for me and my wife and wants my help on an upcoming show. Awesome. Some country dude named Aaron Pritchett. Do the show, he says “thanks, come help me out next week, I'm doing Pat Benatar.” Awesome! Next week comes. I get in on the local crew for Kiss when they come to town. Biggest production I've ever seen, and I go about sleuthing again. Talk to Gene Simmons' guitar tech. He says “I work for Kiss, not any production company. I got this job by working for a lot of shitty bands first.” … ok. Talk to one of the lighting guys. He says he got where he was by having a friend in the business, taking a crap job, and working his way up. So I say “I guess I’m paying my dues right now then eh?” and he just nods and leaves it at that. No help from anybody else working for Kiss, I just do my job and get my 10 bucks an hour.
Then onto Pat Benatar a few days later. Very cool atmosphere after doing the Kiss show. Minimal lighting, no pyro, and no gargantuan army of workers. There are about 6 of us local crew and 5 of the crew touring with the band. They had a great show, very intimate for a stadium production. Sound man had some way cool gear and I watched him mix the whole show, the guy was nuts and I learned a lot just from watching him. But in the end it was just a hand shake and “good job guys thanks” and they left. No chance to ask questions and nobody in the mood to talk about it.
So I had a chat with one of my co-workers about the whole situation, he's an older guy in his late 40s, and he tells me about how he used to have his own studio that he built, and how ruinous it was for him. Talked about the opportunities for guys in our field and how there isn't any, not unless you know the right person. Favors changing hands happens more often than resumes, it seems, and the last option would be to go into business for myself. .. ok.. and do what? Open a studio? There are other people with more capital and skill than I have at producing records, and the area is saturated with them. Live sound company? Well sure, but it would just add to the cannibalizing nature of that industry locally. Every body trying to undercut everyone else until nobody is making money. And again, I can't realistically compete with the bigger guys in town (like the one I was working for that day for instance).
In the end our conversation just put me at a loss. I wasn't surprised, it was just kind of the first time it was spoken of aloud and rather than me being shocked by what I had learned, it was more like everything I already knew I was finally able to admit. I just spent $60,000 on an education that is going to make me an expert at my favorite hobby. Because there are zero job prospects available anywhere for me.
I understand that a lot of recent graduates have silly ideas of walking out of convocation with their degree and walking into some big corporation and getting a fat $70K/ year salary. You have to work up to that, but you usually have the ability to get some entry level position making a decent amount of money to support you and your student loan payments.
Now, I am a family man, with 2 kids and a wife (who is thankfully very musical). School cost me a great deal, and while getting student loans isn't the end of the world, my problem is that the government would not give me any because my wife was working. So I had to go to the bank. They gave me what I needed, but the bank doesn't operate like the government. I was spared paying principal on my loans, but I've been paying my interest payments the entire time. Meaning I had to hold a full time job while I was a full time student. Now that school is over, those loans are entering repayment, and the cost basically equals my mortgage.
So here I am, stuck writing you guys at the front desk of a quiet (read: Dead) hospital as the night security guard making my 15 bucks an hour, hoping hoping that I'll have enough to pay my mortgage next week, and I'm right back where I started four and a half years ago. Wondering what to do to make more money and improve my quality of life. Already thinking of entering a trade.
The run down is this. I have no credit, because my loans ate all of that up, meaning no capital for starting my own business. I have skills, but always just barely out of line with what is needed, and I don't know any of the “somebody's” who can help me. I'm loathe to take a job that pays less than $20 /hr, not because I'm greedy, but because I can't survive on anything less, and I'm worried that any job in my field that I MIGHT come across won't be able to pay even that much, and I'll come across as some jerk who doesn't get how the world really works for either asking more, or refusing the job.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been in this position here, and I'm hoping that somebody has some rose coloured encouragement for me. maybe I should go back to school and get a diploma in electronics engineering, I can't see how that wouldn't apply to my current skills and further my goals to work in R&D. But can I afford another 2 - 4 years of school in the mean time? Eventually I'll go to graduate school with some cool research i'm working on in my own time and get my Masters, and eventually my PhD, which will help me land a fat easy job as a university professor, but I cant' do any of that before I get my financials in order.
Help me out guys.. WTF should I do?
PigLick on 25/7/2013 at 12:27
Thanks for sharing, found it very interesting. I have a degree in music performance (jazz+contemp), and it hasnt really helped me much, except for getting teaching jobs. In my opinion, education doesnt really mean much in the "music industry" its more about experience and even your network of contacts, plus you have to be good at what you do.
I always wanted to make music for games software, but when I was at university there was no formal courses for that kind of thing (would all be obsolete now anyway, talking about '94-96), so it was just learn it by yourself the hard way. I do wish I had learnt some programming/coding skills though, now I'm too old and it hurts my brain.
Err, I guess that doesnt help you any, but keep plugging away, you never know when an opportunity may present itself.
faetal on 25/7/2013 at 13:04
If you ever get the option to re-train, do so. It's great to have had the chance to study what you love, but if it isn't paying the bills, it's invaluable to have a fall-back option.
SubJeff on 25/7/2013 at 15:06
No learning is useless so your degree will always give you a grounding, in being able to do stuff in general.
Believe it or not, I totally get what you are going through. There have been so many times in my life when I've either not had the job I was trained for (or that my education had set me up for) or was waiting for a job to start in a few months and needing something to do now where the choices were do nothing or doing something I really didn't want to do.
I've been a filer in a government office, did data entry for a day (never again!), been a wood sander, a machine operator, a hot glue gun wizard, a metal cage disassembler, an animal feeder, an oven operator, a dishwasher, a food server.
That feeling is so... frustrating. You know you can do so much better than you are, but there seems like there is nothing you can do.
I don't have any answers, I just wanted to empathise. Fwiw it sounds like you're dealing with it better than I did, but then I'm incredibly impatient and prone to annoyance++.
I reckon you'll find something. It may not be what you thought you were looking for but questioning those guys was a good idea imho and one day you'll get a gig, ask a guy, he'll say x,y,z and would you like to help out on something and from there it'll all go. You won't recognise the moment but in a few years you'll be able to say "that, that was when it all changed".
Vivian on 25/7/2013 at 15:17
I was a travelling lobster salesman for a day. I'll think of something useful to say in a minute. But from talking to people and from watching my GF network herself and get more and more bookings doing dancing for bands, anything in showbiz seems to be about hanging out with everybody else as hard as possible. Socialising, networking etc. Tech abilities seem a bit secondary. Mind you, you could say the same about any profession. I certainly get a lot more science offers from people I've socialised with than from other sources.
Chade on 25/7/2013 at 21:25
Quote Posted by Volitions Advocate
I get excited when I think about designing something. Gadget, instrument, software. Whatever. More excited than I do when I think about recording somebody or something, or mixing a show ... Dolby is ALWAYS hiring, Frankfurt, Nuremberg, Stockholm, San Francisco, awesome stuff. But only software engineers, no audio guys. Looking at all the big names. Roland, Bose, Avid. They all want engineers of anything but the “audio” variety.
I don't know a damn thing about the music industry side, so I'll talk about the part I do know something about.
It sounds to me like you gave up a little too easily here. The programming world is rife with engineers without degrees, people who just enjoy making stuff, and were able to demonstrate that to the right person. These companies may say that they only hire people with degrees, but a lot of places say that. It's usually not true.
You may not have a piece of paper, but you can still show that you can build systems. Build some. Build one! That will put you in the top 1% of applicants straight away. Now you just need to make them realize it (admittedly this may take a little persistence and bypassing possible HR roadblocks). Find out who to bug, build some cool systems, and keep shoving them in their faces. Politely. I would be very surprised if you don't wrangle up a job offer eventually.
Volitions Advocate on 25/7/2013 at 22:20
Well you've got me there. I'm actually on the same page as you on that front. It's one of the reasons I started my website.
(
www.pygmytrollproductions.com)
I have a lot of things planned, its just time to get to them. Now that I"m not commuting 800km a week and working 14 hours a day I can get started back on it. But for awhile there it was very dismal looking as far as time to work on my own projects.
The blog is very helpful on this front too, I just haven't updated it since January.
PigLick on 26/7/2013 at 01:26
Travelling Lobster Salesman - best job description ever.
Vivian on 26/7/2013 at 01:45
It was shit. I was just sat in a car for an entire day with this dipshit smoking king-sized rollies (I finally found out who buys kingsize rizla for legit purposes: dickheads) and having great conversations like 'Well, why aren't eagles evolving right now then?'. As far as I can work out we visited various housewifes he was fucking, because he made me stay in the goddamn van while he wandered off with a box of lobster or frozen monkfish or some crap for like half an hour. He said he was 'showing me the ropes' but I wasn't actually allowed to sell anyone a lobster because that would be me stealing his customers. He was planning to give me a van, make me buy a vanload of lobster off him (at near cost or something), and then travel round the england trying to sell it to random people. I said uh, no.
Chade on 26/7/2013 at 12:06
Quote Posted by Volitions Advocate
Well you've got me there. I'm actually on the same page as you on that front. It's one of the reasons I started my website.
I'll give you my first impressions of your website, VA. First, a HUGE disclaimer: the software industry is very diverse, and I've never been anywhere even remotely close to the audio side of things. I wouldn't have a clue how the audio companies work. Keep that in mind when reading my impressions.
So, your website looks quite nice. The positions you're applying for probably don't care too much about that, but you never know when nice presentation will leave an impression. It might help, and it probably won't hurt, so that's good.
The landing page mentions a little about programming, but it doesn't contain any details. I have to take the initiative into my own hands to look for a link to the sort of information you want to to showcase. At least the Software link is nice and easy to see. It's a bit annoying that I had to read several paragraphs of text to find out that I needed to look elsewhere.
The Software page lists two projects that look pretty damn awesome at first blush. As soon as I see them, I'm excited. Again, I don't know the audio industry, but they appear highly relevant to my uninformed eyes. Again, however, I read several paragraphs about each project, and it's not immediately obvious how you built each project. Even after reading these extra paragraphs, I still need to click more links to find out what exactly you can do.
Finally, once I go to separate pages for each project, each of which involve "leaving" your main area, I learn, or I think I learn, that you did all your programming in MaxMSP. Assuming that your employers are going to want you to work in a general purpose programming language, it's a bit disheartening to come all this way and discover that you've presented no evidence that you have such skills.
To sum up:
Positives: You clearly have passion, initiative, and demonstratable work on two seemingly relevant projects. This is fantastic!
Negatives: I read five paragraphs of unstructured and unskimmable text, and followed three links, two of which left your "home area", only to find no evidence that you have one of the main skills I'm looking for: experience wth general purpose programming languages.
Overall, you are
so close to having an demonstration made of pure shining awesome. You just need to learn and demonstrate skills with a general purpose language (I bet your MaxMSP experience would really help you here). And you need to structure your web pages so that I can tell at a glance what information is available on each page and where, and navigate to every single bit of information I require with one click max.