Dia on 1/4/2012 at 13:04
I think I'm an extroverted introvert. Like Vas, I love meeting people, getting to know them and socializing, but on my terms. It's like I have some sort of weird little inner timer that goes off after a certain length of time; like I've reached my socializing quota so it's time to go. But I've never considered myself a shrinking violet or anything like that.
After having gone thru two husbands and raising a couple kids I find I enjoy solitude immensely. I'm in no rush to get into another romantic-type relationship; hell, I don't know if I'll ever even want that. And I'm okay with that thought. I like having absolute authority over my remote controls, my thermostat, my schedule, and my life. I like not having to compromise on what movie I want to see, what I want for dinner, or how long I spend on my computer. I like that I can have total silence when I feel the need, or turn up the stereo to 11 when my favorite song starts playing.
Similar to nickie's situation, these past 5 & 1/2 years have been a time for recharging my batteries and discovering me all over again. And I like it. Don't misunderstand: if I did happen to meet someone and there was a definite 'spark' I'd probably let nature take its course. Maybe. I'm just not inclined to go out looking for a 'someone special', nor do I spend time wondering/worrying about it. I like my life right now.
I have found, however, that too many people confuse solitude with loneliness. My pat answer to 'Don't you feel lonely all the time?' is that you can be in the best relationship you've ever had and still feel lonely at times. Besides, two cats and a dog are good company and when I feel the need for human contact I just go visit friends and/or family.
Vasquez on 1/4/2012 at 16:04
Dia, I agree, loneliness and solitude are two different things - loneliness being "negative", sad feeling, and solitude is "positive", being alone by choice. And one can feel lonely even in a crowd.
Relationships can be challenging if one is the kind who wants attentive presence 24/7 and the other wants more peace and quiet. I've been lucky to find a guy who's very much like myself in this matter, so he doesn't misunderstand this as a personal "Oh, so you want to get away from ME!?" -thing.
Quote Posted by Neb
That's a pretty standard description of introversion. :p
I guess I was thinking something like a hermit sort of extreme introvert ;)
demagogue on 1/4/2012 at 17:29
The difference between an introvert and an extrovert in my mind is the difference between someone that likes cooking for small dinner parties and having a few friends over and they chat and everything is very low key, and other weekends they're just going out shopping with one or two other people, versus people that have to go to huge parties or always go out every single weekend to yell at each other, and they're always turned on high gear for everything they do... I don't think that's a biased opinion.
driver on 2/4/2012 at 10:15
There was an interesting article in (
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/mar/30/the-rise-of-solo-living?INTCMP=SRCH) The Guardian about the rise in numbers of people living alone.
I'd certainly classify myself as an introvert having lived alone for about 10 years now. I'm rather content with this, it allows me to engage with people 'on my terms'. Like someone else mentioned, when I'm around other people, even those I know well, I have a sort of internal timer that counts down till I have to leave. I don't dislike company, I see most of my friends on a semi-regular basis, I just prefer solitude.
Koki on 2/4/2012 at 13:03
I'm an actually Type Five Beta Extrovert with six levels of Introvert Prestige Class.
True story.
nickie on 2/4/2012 at 19:22
I like Dorothy Rowe's definitions from the Successful Self. I don't have the book anymore but found this quote.
Quote:
As a brief summary of the difference between an introvert and an extravert, Dorothy Rowe in her book, The Successful Self, explains, "When I use the word extravert I mean experiencing your existence as being a member of a group, as the relationship, the connection, between yourself and others. When I use the word introvert I mean experiencing your existence as the progressive development of your individuality in terms of clarity, achievement, and authenticity."
Great book by the way. I also particularly like Beyond Fear.
Pyrian on 2/4/2012 at 19:45
When I'm with company for too long, I've always felt some relief at being alone again. But since I got married, I've noticed that when we're with company for too long, I feel relief at being alone with her again. ...I married the right person. :cheeky:
SubJeff on 2/4/2012 at 19:56
Daaawwww.
I totally get that though. Totally.
BrokenArts on 3/4/2012 at 04:17
Working at home for years, took its toll, no family, few friends, most of which moved away, some died, dealing with a failing marriage, and no where to go. Yeah good times. And on top of that trying to raise a young daughter. The isolation, the solitude, it was ok keeping to myself, that was protection on some weird level, but in the end, it didn't work, that turned into loneliness. I won't go into some tyrade about it, that part of my life is over and done with. Live and learn from it, never again. To some degree it can mess with your mind if you are isolated for too long, you forget how to act around people, not to that extreme no, but, its strange when you finally get back out into the living world again. Isolation can kill. Solitude I cherish.
Like so many of you, I think we all cherish our *me* time. We pick and choose how we spend our other time. I'm so busy with work, my home is my castle.
Vasquez on 3/4/2012 at 04:46
Quote Posted by driver
when I'm around other people, even those I know well, I have a sort of internal timer that counts down till I have to leave.
Yep, me too. I also need time to get oriented before I socialise - I rarely go meet people ex tempore, and I hate surprise visits (I'm always "just going out, sorry!" if that happens), but fortunately these days everyone has a cell phone, so they can call in advance and ask if it's okay to stop by.
I have a friend who's practically the exact opposite of me, she loves company and whenever she gets "me-time" from her family, she can be somewhat anxious before adjusting to solitude. She likes to chat on the phone, and admits that sometimes she jumps up and down with rage when she knows I probably just don't bother answering. And I've admitted it irks me when she calls all my 3 phones in turns and lets them ring 5 minutes (thank god for mute). But we know and love each other, so even though we might not necessarily
understand each other in this matter, we tolerate it :cheeky:
