Thief: a fill-in for things missing.... - by bikerdude
bikerdude on 10/3/2007 at 19:30
....
As life happens, my Mum died a few years ago and my best friend a few months ago... Im all fine etc, but I really miss my best friend - I feel guilty for not not missing my mum more, but I guess I was closer to my friend in the last few years... Latley I find myself suceptable to spontanous emotional moments... then I feel self concous - being a typical male etc.
Sometimes I find myself doing things, being in situations or moments where I expect to look across at my best friend and then reallity kicks in and I hate life, everything and everyone....
Im playing coldplay at the moment, music drowns out the emotions I guess...
The last time I saw my friend he was not in a good place, and I walked away from it (and with good reason). I wish now I could turn back time and be there for him, I would have made sure that the last moments/hours/days/weeks/months of his life were with his best friend, where he felt accepted, loved and respected.
Its funny I never knew I would miss a friend this much. I guess we are all falable in one way or another.. I never really understood him as much when he was alive as I do now he is dead. Its aggrivating, you know the saying... "you dont know what you have till its gone"
Well I dont know if any of you`ll read any of this, no biggy I just spend more time on here than I care to mention and some of you taffers are more than just names....
...Well hey I guess thats what happens when you mix beer with life....
Dia on 10/3/2007 at 20:19
Bikerdude; my most sincere sympathies to you. I know exactly where you're at and how you're feeling. My husband died suddenly and very tragically last June and I can't begin to count the number of times I've wished I could go back and say the things I wanted to him or do the things I should have done. It's human nature. Nine months later I still look up sometimes expecting to see him sitting on the sofa or walking into the room, or I'll see something on TV and think, 'I've gotta remember to tell Bart ...', only to have harsh reality smack me in the face yet again. And yes; even though I knew I loved him while he was alive, I didn't realize how very deeply I loved him and depended upon his love for me until after he died. Once again, human nature. Don't beat yourself up, okay? It'll take more than a few months for the hurt, sorrow, and guilt to subside. But it will subside.
I just found out last month that my mom is dying of cancer. This time I have the opportunity to say and do all the things I've wanted and should have but hadn't done so far. It's like I'm getting a second chance to make sure my mom knows I love her and knows that I want to do whatever I can to help. Not just for me and my conscience, but for my mom. If I can make her smile or help make her comfortable in the slightest way, then I'm grabbing that chance with both hands. Lesson learned. The hard way.
Yes; I'd say your fellow taffers here at TTLG understand. This is our community after all and we've proven a gazillion times that we do care about one another. Take heart Dude; you've got friends.
I'm sending you a gigantic cyberhug! Hang in there, 'kay? Cut yourself some slack and take some comfort from knowing that time will ease the pain.
bikerdude on 10/3/2007 at 20:23
Quote:
It's like I'm getting a second chance to make sure my mom knows I love her and knows that I want to do whatever I can to help
I myself beat cancer, so its very likely your mum will too :-) Im gonna take a spin down the 'Ace cafe' in london and hook up with some fellow bikers....
biker
imperialreign on 11/3/2007 at 00:33
biker - the most sincere condolences for your losses; it's rough sometimes, especially when life seems to hit you all at once; but I can say
Quote:
I myself beat cancer
that in itself makes you stronger, too; I've been down that road, too, and I have yet to run across anything else that is as physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually trying than facing cancer.
Don't fault yourself, though, for what transpired - none of else ever know what tomorrow will bring, as you couldn't have known then what you know now.
