Pitch on 7/1/2005 at 15:43

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Piano demon :laff:

Great stuff, as always! :thumb:

Yos on 8/1/2005 at 04:17

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Just does to show that the richest people hire the dumbest help, because they want to save money. I mean really, clones can't be all that smart. :laff:

fett on 11/1/2005 at 23:09

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Chapter 11
The Sunken Citadel – 12:13am

Looks like I found the entrance to the sewers housing the Sunken Citadel CD shop Keeper Rathe wrote about. Actually, it’s about three steps away from the main street running through the Docks. Any idiot could have found it by accidentally making a wrong turn. According to Rathe, the Translation Key disappeared in here too long ago to think about. Rathe also mentioned ‘strange people’ living down here – ‘Kurshock’ he called them. As usual the Keeper's details were sketchy since writing things down actually requires work on their part. Not only did the Translation Key disappear down here, so did Rathe. The Keepers never sent anyone after him, but I doubt he’s still exploring the place. It’s been years ago and anybody with a decent compass could see the whole thing in 6 minutes tops. I don’t have any leads on looking for the Key, but I’ll start by looking for Rathe.

The stench of stale water and rotting fish greeted Garrett as he dropped to the floor of the cave. A cop had spotted him coming down here, but had given up chase when faced with the daunting task of descending the ladder.

Get’s ‘em every time…

Movement in the cavern. He spotted two creatures at least 8 feet tall, walking around a large ceremonial fire. Something about them looked familiar…

“Hey!” he called out approaching one of them, “are you guys those Sleestack things from Land of the Lost?”

“INTRUDER!” the thing yelled – well- not exactly yelled. It was more of a wheeze ending in a nasal sort of clicking sound.

“Ew...sinus colds are a bugger, eh?” Garrett asked, “Is this private property or something?”

The thing drew a huge sword and leveled it at Garrett.

“Ok – not a Sleestack…I know! Are you the guy from that Hellboy movie? The fish looking guy right?”

Garrett heard a clinking noise at his feet and looked down to see a small gem he’d picked up on the way drop to the ground at his feet. He found gems laying around in sewers all the time.

This is why I need to find my cloak…keep dropping stuff he thought crouching down to pick up the gem.

By now, two of the creatures were swinging huge swords at him, but fortunately they went whizzing over his head as he crouched down. They were clearly hostile.

He drew his dagger to slash at their feet but suddenly noticed that none of the creature’s blows ever reached him. Apparently some genetic development that restricted vertical movement of their arms.

Lucky for me. I’ll just stay down here awhile.

Garrett leisurely waddled over to a nearby book laying open and gave it a read as the creatures continued to yell and hack away at the air. He paid them no mind.

[indent]
Four clicks for the pride of existence, we are Kurshock, most clever, most brave, most clever among all the world’s creatures….[/indent]

“Hold it right there,” said Garrett pointing to the book, “If you’re so clever, how come you’re living down here in the sewers huh? Not 10 steps away from civilization.” He pointed over his shoulder, “Is it the ladder? Lots of people have trouble with those, but I’m sure we could think of something to get you guys out of here. You look like you could use some sun. And a bath….”

They didn’t respond but continued slashing the oxygen above his head into tiny little bits.

He eventually had to flash bomb them so they wouldn’t keep following him around. The slashing and clicking got really irritating after awhile.

A huge rat crossed his path, standing upright on its hind legs.

Great…I get rid of the giant monkeys and spiders, now I’ve got to deal with giant rats. Give me the giant lizards back any day of the week…

Garrett began to notice familiar Keeper glyph signs on the walls with the inscription ‘Keeper Rathe’s Remains This Way>>>>>’

Ah…very helpful. I might have made a wrong turn somewhere and had to take a different route that would eventually lead me to the exact same places. These signs will shave literal minutes off of my time…

A little further into the cavern he found some pagan writings that were the usual gibberish, but with a mention of a golden crown and ‘diamond lights’ as best he could understand between the unspeakable abuses of the verb ‘be.’

Now what kind of thief would I be if I didn’t investigate this room with diamond lights? Garrett thought as he realized there was only one path forward, “a stuck Thief, that’s what kind.

He begrudgingly entered the cavern ahead. More ceremonial fires burning. How did people ever find this CD shop to begin with? Apparently, the owners thought, the more obscure the better.

He recognized a conversation in ‘pagan-speak’ in the next room and crept up against ruins of a large terrace overlooking the space.

“Seese thems crown?” said the female.

“I seese Kurshock guards thems throne room,” the guy replied.

“I told you it be’s them golden crowner! They’s be’s never deserving it.”

“Woodsie one will be’s pleased if we’s be’s bringing it’s back.”

“We be’s not strong enough. Them’s Kurshock be’s beating us always.”

“Them’s Kurshock be’s never earns it.”

“No problem,” said Garrett climbing up to the terrace with his handy new gloves, “if you just squat, you can do whatever you like and they can’t stop you. Try it!”

He’d startled both of them – they drew swords and came at him. The woman went down easily with a gas bomb, while the guy managed to take about 12 blackjack blows to the face before Garrett finally had to gas bomb him as well. Those pagans and their resilient faces…

Further into the earth he descended, through tunnels and caverns filled with blue fire. Commotion spilled out from the large ante-chamber up ahead. He peeked over the window sill. The room was filled with about a hundred crude looking eggs, a camera crew, and some guys in space suits.

A woman hanging on a wall in a cocoon like structure grunted, “Kill me…please.” Garrett watched in horror as her chest exploded and a space marine washed her with what looked to be a flamethrower.

A guy in a chair with ‘Cameron’ written across the back jumped up and yelled, “Cut! That was great…” he began talking to the various people crowded around the room between the eggs.

I’ve obviously taken a wrong turn somewhere… he backtracked and eventually found a doorway with the familiar blue smoke.

That looks more like it.

As the smoke cleared he heard two more Sleestacks deep in conversation…

“He was headsick…believed in upside world.”

“He spoke to me, told me there must be upside. Else where do strangers come from? World must be there!”

“Brain fever you suffer from….just like him. Not believe! Wishes make headsick. I talk no more…”

Garrett squatted and began making his way past them, “Guys – you live in a sewer – the way out is right back there! You had two sentries guarding the path for crying out loud! Are you blind?!!!”

After they had sufficiently killed the air around him, he moved on, finally spotting the Sunken Citadel CD shop. Dark place.

Now to find the Translation Key…

The place was long abandoned – boarded up, but with plenty of coins and old Menudo albums still lying around.

Garrett suppressed a shudder…Menudo…and I thought Haunts were scary…

Rathe’s remains were in the back corner of the place along with a small book. He had apparently chronicled the last few hours of his life in his journal, as did most people who were about to meet a violent and untimely end.

[indent]Saturday
I encountered the Kurshock, but luckily discovered that I could evade their attacks by crouching down out of their reach. This should be a breeze. They’re guarding some kind of crown that I’m sure is irrelevant and will absolutely not be involved in a plot to destroy the world later. If so, I’m sure it will mysteriously appear at the proper place in time without my involvement. My prize is the Translation Key. I must find it and decipher those Dylan songs.

Tuesday
I’ve left a bunch of signs around the place so that if I die in here and someone comes looking for me, it will lead them right to my remains. I hope they appreciate my effort. But why wouldn’t the Keepers let me bring anyone else with me? Because the team ping-pong tournament was this weekend? Bah!

Thursday
I have found the Translation Key! But alas, I can’t seem to find my way back out. Maybe it’s some disease people contract down here. No one can find their way out even though it’s a mere five minute trip back to the entrance. For now, I’ve taken refuge in the Sunken Citadel CD shop. I don’t know how long I can blend in here. I don’t have any piercings and these strangely dressed customers keep trying to draw me into conversations about something called ‘Bauhaus’ and ‘Switch Blade Symphony.’ They scare me. It’s possible I may die here.[/indent]

The rest was pretty typical stuff about hunger and fear, blah blah blah. Garrett grabbed the Key, Rathe’s wallet, and went to find this golden crown the Kurshock Sleestack guys were so possessive of.

It was in the largest of the caverns so far – the golden crown levitating high above a huge stone throne on a raised dias.

I don’t really need the crown, Garrett thought, but maybe if I take it, these idiots will quit obsessing and get back up to the real world… I’ll pawn it off and if it turns up in a world domination plot in a few days, I’ll consider it purely coincidental.

After a few smart jumping tricks he’d learned from hours playing Tomb Raider, Garrett nabbed the crown, leaving the Sleestacks hissing and coughing as he made for the entrance.

Funny. I have no problem getting out. Either it’s my really good sense of direction, or the fact that it’s a straight shot from beginning to end. I didn’t make any new friends but I found the Key the Keepers had been looking for. I also picked up something for myself. Not really my style in hats, but I figure someone keeps taking my cloaks, my hood may be next and it never hurts to have backup headgear. The Keepers lost the Key years ago, but it only took me a day to find it. Lazy deadbeats.

Yos on 12/1/2005 at 03:29

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And that's why it's a good thing that we have bendable knees. :laff:

Pitch on 12/1/2005 at 20:00

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:laff: :laff: :laff:
OMG!! I hardly got my breath back!