Garrett Girl on 28/1/2005 at 14:13
“Yes indeed. Cryptic and disturbing this is…” he said.
“Are you trying to talk like that Yoda guy again?”
He waved his hand at her, “I don’t sound like Yoda.”
“Oh forget it!” she huffed off down the hall.
“Yes,” he said to the darkness, “cryptic and disturbing…”
Fett, you're a GENIUS!! Keep it coming! :laff:
fett on 28/1/2005 at 15:47
Chapter 15 (continued) – The Inner Inner Real Keeper Library
A note for me? No one’s supposed to know I’m here. Although the City is so small, I guess the Enforcers probably realized I’m not out there hours ago.
He cautiously plucked the note from the statue’s mouth, flicked off the gargoyle drool and read:
[indent]Surprised are we, to see a note naming you by your very name? Are you answering your questions or questioning your answers? I know what you seek and you seek what I know. At least I think I know what you want to know, or know what you think I know you want to know. Ya’ know?[/indent]
Huh?
The music rose to a creepy swell. He inspected her quarters more carefully. Why would anyone put a huge gargoyle at the end of their bed? What had she been reading? He went back to the main room and took a look at the book under her bony fingers:
[indent]Oglvy’s Treatise on Sentients
To trace the history of the artifacts, is to trace the history of strife and chaos. Where they go, war follows, and catastrophe. Several factions have ascribed to them a set purpose, or religious significance. An artifact serves no master but itself. To name them ‘artifacts’ as if they share one motive or origin is misleading. They are sentient, but one in particular, ‘The Contact Lens’ seems to never shut up. To speculate what might happen were they all gathered in one place is beyond speculation. The end of the world, or the beginning of something entirely new. Tracing these elusive objects is fairly easy, as each owner falls under their seductive influence. I say leave them the hell alone and let’s all go take a nap.[/indent]
A nap sounds pretty good about now…
He was pushing his luck – the Keepers might end the Scrabble tournament at any time and start showing up down here to fein work, or make-out in the infamous ‘make-out’ corner over by the Histories of Lost Keeper Cloaks and Facial Expressions section.
One room in particular caught his eye – no books, just large statues and a slight clicking noise. He stepped into the doorway.
A strange voice met his ears. It sounded vaguely familiar, husky and a bit southern. He spotted a figure hunched over one of the mammoth statues. It was dressed in a hideous power blue leisure suit with bell bottom polyester pants and an upturned collar big enough to obscure any facial features. The clicking came from the platform shoes.
Something’s going on here…this guy isn’t a Keeper, that’s for sure…
“Dadgumitt and Awshucks…take the power. The glyphs, the bindings, and have a doughnut if ya want ta. Walk! Talk! And do what ah tell ya to! Dadgumitt! Awshucks! Wake up!!!”
The eyes of the statues lit up and the walls began to shake as the figure continued to confront each statue, knee length matching blue cape swirling as he moved.
“That thief is here among ya somewhere. Figure out where he is. Crush him till he can’t breathe no more. Cut him till he can’t bleed no more. And try ta hurry up. I’m hungry.”
Voices boomed throughout the chamber, “Yeeeeessss.”
“Ma helpers, ma minions, ma stone warriors. I’m gonna hide out for awhile. So much hiding ta do lately. And even with that, folks keep on spottin’ me at the 7-11 and K-mart. Anyway – I’m goin’ to get a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich. I’ll catch you boys back at the house. Viva Las Vegas and all that, ya hear?”
The figure disappeared from sight as the stone figures came to life. Garrett had been so lost in the moment, he had apparently walked all the other way to the end of the room without noticing it. Funny that the statues hadn’t noticed it either because they couldn’t find him immediately.
Good thing I’ve been finding fire arrows and mines all over the place
A few minutes later, he was up a ladder and out into the City air, but more confused than ever.
I found more than I bargained for. An overweight, badly dressed guy who’s out for my blood and knows me by name. Then again, so does everyone else in the City these days. I don’t think Orlando has a clue, but then again, he doesn’t pay attention to much except his Girls Gone Wild videos and the next Table Hockey playoff. Artemus didn’t leave me much to go on either. I escaped the ambush, but the Keepers still think I’m dead. Makes no sense to me either. In fact, I only know of one person who can help me. A Hammerite Inspector named O’Reiley. He has a strange conspiracy theory about an old man who sings and dresses badly and steals people’s pants. If that doesn’t sound like the beginning of a Dark Age, I don’t know what does…
DarthMRN on 28/1/2005 at 16:00
‘The Contact Lens’
(dies of laughter)
Pitch on 28/1/2005 at 17:07
‘The Contact Lens’
Dadgumitt and Awshucks…take the power
OMG!! :laff: :laff: :laff:
Yos on 28/1/2005 at 20:04
Quote:
Anyway – I’m goin’ to get a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich.
Well, everyone to their own. :eww: Good stuff,
fettLarcener on 29/1/2005 at 04:03
(Quote) He has a strange conspiracy theory about an old man who sings and dresses badly and steals people’s pants. If that doesn’t sound like the beginning of a Dark Age, I don’t know what does…(Quote)
Yer killin' me here!!!.....And my life is now dedicated to reading this parody to the exclusion of all else.......
.
.
Thank you for this.....truly.
Raven on 29/1/2005 at 09:09
:laff: :thumb: can't pick a quote cause they are all great... :joke:
asmodeus_snillum on 29/1/2005 at 14:06
Quote:
“It doesn't matter!” he yelled, “It's the principle of the thing! Geez! The Jedi don't interrupt each other, I can tell you that!”
“Then maybe you should join the Jedi!”
“Maybe I will!”
“Maybe you should!”
“MAYBE I WILL!!”
”MAYBE YOU SHOULD!!!!”
“Hey! Keep it down out there!” yelled a Hammerite from the porch of Fort Ironweed, “You're going to wake the dead!”
As if on cue, a chilling moaning sound erupted all around the three Keepers. They suddenly noticed that Garrett was no longer in their company.
“Garrett? Garrett? Great!” the female shoved the male roughly by the shoulder, “Now we're going to actually have to defend ourselves against zombies. Do you have any holy water?”
Brilliant! 10/10 :thumb: .
ewplissken on 30/1/2005 at 01:04
Quote:
Surprised are we, to see a note naming you by your very name? Are you answering your questions or questioning your answers? I know what you seek and you seek what I know. At least I think I know what you want to know, or know what you think I know you want to know. Ya’ know?
If you think about it makes perfect sense.
luriumer on 30/1/2005 at 17:49
Oh? What do you think we think you're thinking? Just wishful thinking, methinks. Otherwise, the thoughts we were thinking thoughtful then would have been thought far more thoughtful now. At least, to those of us who really thought about thinking well or - I really think I should say - about thinking better than we thought we'd thought before. In any case, that was very thoughtless of you! Don't you think? I mean, not everyone thinks as well as you'd like to think they think, or at least as well as you'd have thought they'd be thinking when they first thought to think about what fett was thinking when he so thoughtfully collected his thoughts.
