Domarius on 25/11/2004 at 07:18

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The bits that had me laughing out loud (good job no one else is here at Uni)

And finaly someone else brings this up;

It's funny how in all the Thief games, people have always just walked away from each other suddenly at the end of a conversation, without saying goodbye, or see you in the morning, or later, or whatever :)

The Blue Oyster Bar. I'm thinking that's from Police Academy, right? :) Hehe.

Raven on 25/11/2004 at 10:14

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Great stuff!

Kindo on 25/11/2004 at 14:21

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Haha! Absolutely hilarious! :laff:

One of my favourites:


Bloody brilliant! :thumb:

Keep it up, if you please.

Bronze Griffin on 25/11/2004 at 20:43

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I love the mysterious elevator ignoring as well!

dr. cello, when I play Shipping and Recieveing they sometimes move inside the building and promptly vanish when you do too. Just so you know.

fett on 27/11/2004 at 05:27

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Chapter 3
Southtowne
Garrett’s Condo – 9:45pm

I awoke atop my bookcase across the room from my bed. Sleeping habits are becoming stranger and stranger ever since that episode at Constantine’s house. I also keep having these strange dreams too. Like the one where my blackjack didn’t necessarily work on all opponents, especially the undead. Or where I shot an opponent in the mouth with a moss arrow and it choked him. And the one where I suddenly began using the word ‘opponent’ to refer everyone who’d like to see me dead. Strange dreams…
I sure miss my old place. Tried to drop by for old time’s sake the other day, but damned if I could find the street. Memory’s not what it used to be. I’m comfortable here though, but one of these days I just know the City Watch is going to spot my name on the mailbox or parking space out front, and then the jig is up.
Better get this Offal setting to a fence before someone comes looking for it. But I’m going to double check the place before I leave. Last time I was gone, the plasma TV and smoothie machine ran for two days. The electric bill is going to kill.

Garrett padded through the thick carpet in the hall of his condo, stopping to break into the landlord’s suite. Between the landlord being blackmailed by a nameless threat, Garrett ripping him off nightly, and robbing the other tenants so they couldn’t pay rent, Garrett was sure to shut down the place within a month. Ah, nothing like biting the hand that feeds…

“Oh, it’s just you. I thought someone had broken in or something.” It was Larry (or some other equally non-memorable name) the security guy. “All clear,” he said into his walkie-talkie, replacing it on his belt.

Garrett looked up and down the length of the building to see who he was talking to. Or for that matter, what else he was guarding.

“Not that I suspect you of course. A thief would obviously not be wearing a dark cloak and standing with a set of lock picks in Mr. Wickett’s door.” He continued on his 15 ft. patrol muttering something about needing to relax. Garrett continued picking the lock, looted Mr. Wickett, then stepped out into the cool night air of Southtowne.

Ah…the City. Obey the law, and there’s no need to worry about the residents. Unless they’re trying to destroy the world… thought Garrett, and I’ll need to remind myself several times to look out for the City Watch because they’re the guys who want to lock me up…

“So then I said, ‘but I don’t use crack,’ then he says, ‘doesn’t matter’ the whole place is being blockaded.”

Some of Garrett’s neighbors out in the street well beyond daylight. Not wise. Southtowne had lately become a haven for drug traffic and gang activity. The war between the crackheads and junkies was spilling over into the neighborhood from both Stoner’s Market and Other-Side-of-the-Tracks-Quarter.

“Same thing happened to me – I asked why but City Watch wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

“Whatdaya think? Some type of drug war going on? Watch raids?”

“That’s what I thought, but then I was talking to Jenna down at the tavern and she said a tour bus had come into town and something was wrong with it. The lockdown is so that, mind you it was Jenna talking so take it for what it’s worth…she said they had to close the place off, otherwise, the pop singers would be everywhere!”

“Pop singers!? Everywhere? I wonder if Sarah is ok. She lives over near the Docks Club. Her piano could be destroyed. You know how they hate real pianos.”

“Yeah! And Robert Smith lives over there too…but maybe Jenna was wrong. You know how she talks and talks when she’s drunk…”

“Yeah…I’m sure everything is fine. The blockade is just a precautionary step.”

“Yeah…”

They didn’t sound so sure. Between the gangs overrunning Southtowne and the American Idol tour rumored to overrun the Docks club, the City was sure changing…

Garrett walked past a ‘wanted’ sign with his picture on it. Or at least it looked like him. A large percentage of the time.

“Hey Garrett!”

“What’s shakin’ Garrett!”

“How’s it hangin’ Garrett?!”

Wanted posters in the City served to create familiarity, not necessarily arrests. Garrett tried to remember how he became the most popular guy in town. So much for anonymity. It was only a matter of years before the Watch figured out where he lived.

Speaking of the Watch one almost caught him grabbing a few coins from under the nose of a street vendor. City Watch. Mostly pedophiles and recovering alchoholics who'd joined up for the fun of bullying people. You could tell them by the insignias on thier uniforms that said MODERATOR. ...and I’d better look out for them…they’re the guys who want to lock me up. I have to remember that…

Garrett crossed through the shadows under the watchful eye of the cop and found the red scrawl on the wall saying ‘Illegal Establishments – This Way.’ An arrow pointed down a narrow twisting passageway leading to Illegal Establishment Street – all the shops trafficked in stolen goods and supplies for breaking and entering. It was only a matter of years before the Watch figured out where he did buisiness.

Time to talk to Illiterate Percy.

He found the sign at the end of the street, “Illiterate Percy. Fence.” He stepped inside.

“Garrett! Didn’t expect to see you. Didn’t you hear? Lady Elizabeth from Rutherford castle was in here lookin’ for ya with a couple of thugs!”

Panic gripped Garrett as he tried to respond. He tried to move. He tried to speak. He was paralyzed in place. Not good.

“They were asking a bunch of questons about Lik-a-Sticks or some nonesense. They were about to get rough, but as you can see, I’m already about as battered as I can get. Someone kept sneaking up behind me all weekend and smacking me in the head everywhere I went. Darndest thing…anyway, they kept asking me for a name and I gave ‘em yours. I figured it could have been you seeing as you’ve had your eye on Lord Ember’s leather vests and all…”
Garrett waited in agony as he prattled on, until finally…

“Anyway…no hard feelings ay pal? I see you have the Offal – I can’t take it right now, what with those goons around, but I think I know someone who can…Bad Breath Bertha. If I were you I’d go to Stoner’s Market before those goons find ya. I’ll take anything else you’ve got though. Business as usual?”

Garrett watched in amazement as the merchandise and money changed hands while he himself stood there like an automaton. This was not business as usual. It was very unusual. Moments later he was on the street again, shaking the deadness from his limbs. Either he was having hallucinations or he needed to lay off the shroom tea. Probably both…

He picked up a few things from The Well Equipped Thief, another well disguised thief supply shop on Illegal Establishment Street, and headed for Stoner’s Market, keeping a keen eye out for Lady Eliabeth’s thugs. Meantime his other eye was picking up a low frequency AM station.

He spotted them near the entrance to Stoner’s Market.

“Dja hear the way Percy squealed? Once I explainedto him what a Lik-a-Stik actually was, he couldn’t wait to give us Garrett’s name,” said goon number one.

“Yeah but it was my desciription of the extended packs with the Strawberry and Blueberry flavors that got him talking you taffer,” replied goon number two.

“What’s a taffer?” that was Lady Elizabeth’s voice.

“A taffer?” goon one said. “Everybody knows what a taffer is. A taffer is a guy who takes the credit for something someone else did.”

“Oh.” That seemed to satisfy her. “The money is ready. Don’t dally, I haven’t got all night. I need those Lik-A-Stiks back!” She strode off, leaving the two goons in the street.

“Do you think the new flavors are better than the original packs?” goon one asked.

“It’s not that I don’t like ‘em,” said goon one, “I’m just sayin’ if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it…”

Garrett slipped past and entered the passageway to Stoner’s Market. Bad Breath Bertha huh? Couldn’t be too hard to find someone with a name like that.