Yos on 9/12/2004 at 19:42

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Sorry to be hearing a friend of yours died. This chapter was a bit on the meh side, but I don't hold it against you. You're going through a lot as well as keeping this alive to make us laugh. Hopefully the baby will be a happy (though annying time) and T2X will be as good as it sounds to be. :thumb:

Raven on 9/12/2004 at 21:17

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Again, fantastic... thankyou... I don't think it can really be classed as comedy in these present times if some political satire is not attempted.

favourite bits...





That really captures the T:DS spirit, bravo!

Sorry to hear about your loss....

fett on 9/12/2004 at 23:07

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I hate to gush, but I'm beta testing all the way through and I just can't believe how cool it is - better than T2 IMO. I can't wait till everyone sees it.

Hopefully another chapter tonight. :p

fett on 10/12/2004 at 01:23

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Yeah - for you guys outside of the US:

Republicans: Typically thought of as right-wing, generally religious, gun-toting conservatives - at thier worst, a bit like the Hammers.

Democrats: Typically thought of as left-wing, generally ammoral, tree-hugging liberals - at thier worst, a bit like the Pagans.

fett on 11/12/2004 at 06:01

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Chapter 7 pt. 1
Tierce’s Plaza – 7:22pm

“Garrett,” said Artemus, “You have returned with the artifacts. Impressive….most…impressive.”

“I steal stuff all the time Artimus. Big whoop.”

“Very well then…follow me.”

Garrett knew the Keepers lived within the walls of the City, he had just forgotten exactly where over the years. Apparently.

They came to a dead end – just like any other of the thousand dead ends in the City – and Artimus waved his hand around at a symbol that appeared on the wall.

Nothing happened.

“Curious,” said Artimus.

“What’s with the symbol?” Garrett was getting impatient.

“It says, ‘speak friend and enter’” – ah! The Elvish word for ‘friend’ is 'Beeellloochhhh….”

He held out his hands dramatically.

Nothing continued to happen.

"Perhaps in Klingon..."

“How ‘bout I just push the button?” Garrett cut him off and punched the symbol on the wall. Blue smoke began to drift from an opening in the rock.

So the Keepers are responsible for the blue smoke everywhere. Maybe they’ll take the blame…

He passed through to an understated foyer – people looking suspiciously like well dressed pagan liberals were milling beyond.

He was taken to a chamber with other Important People. Keeper Cattlecall read from an old book, translated by a young girl.

“Terrebun, unmethoginal, an doo fo ta…” the old woman read.

“He takes a whiskey drink, he takes a vodka drink…” the child translated.

“Fortun indas, requistum...”

“He takes a larder drink, he takes a cider drink…”

“Repestus don matsur quoruv...”

“He sings a song that reminds him of the good times, he sings a song that reminds him of the better times.”

“We’re pissing the night away,” interrupted Garrett, “exactly what is going to happen and what are we going to do about it? I’m still waiting for you guys to get real jobs and make something of yourselves.”

“We get knocked down Garrett,” replied Artimus, “but we get up again. Nothing’s ever going to keep us down.”

“First Keeper Orlando demands an audience. Immediately!” said a shadow from the doorway. So many Keepers, so few shadows.

Garrett followed the shadow to an upper floor of the Keeper fortress and was left outside a door with a sign that said, “This is Orlandos Room. No Trespassing!”

Orlando turned away from the voyeur cam feed on his PC when Garrett stepped through the door.

“You’ve moved up in the world Orlando.”

“Yes, I have. It’s Supreme Overlord Orlando now Garrett. Within these walls I get whatever I want, whenever I want.”

“You called me here to impress me with your new title? Porn must not keep you very busy,” he gestured toward the internet.

“You inquired about super secret books,” Orlando quickly responded, turning off the monitor.

“No, Artimus insists that I see the super secret books. I asked him to tell me about the super secret books years ago, but nnnoooooooo, that would be too easy for you Keepers. You have to drag things out, keep people hanging…”

“It wasn’t our fault Garrett. There was a payroll problem and many layoffs. The company went under and we had to restructure under another firm. These things take time. You think YOU could have shaped events more, read the signs more clearly?”

“Shape events? Interesting way to put it. I’m here now. Do you want my help or not?”

“Very well,” Orlando handed him a hall pass, “This will admit you to certain areas of the library. Do not venture further. You will NOT ply your trade here thief! If anything happens you WILL be held accountable. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes. And brush your teeth,” Garrett waved his hand in front of his face, “Maybe you should interpret for Cattlecall.”

Garrett stepped into the library. Small considering the Keepers controlled the City from within these walls. He overheard snippets of conversations and read enough stuff lying around to make it abundantly clear that the Keepers were seeking the Lost Recordings of Bob Dylan, and a Translation Key by which to understand them better.

“….we will need both to progress in our research concerning the coming Dark Age,” he overheard.

The Dark Age….sounds like a great name for a game…nah…it’d never work…better to stick to franchise titles that no one recognizes anyway. Play it safe…

“Cattlecall could help us,” the voice went on, “If she wasn’t so busy trying to find the Mole in our Midst.”

A woman’s voice answered, “Well, everyone’s starting looking for them, but since we knew this Dark Age was coming and goofed off here till the last minute, we’re probably screwed.”

As much as Garrett wanted to see the Keepers get screwed, he didn’t want any part of a Dark Age. His faulty eyeball kept it dark enough for him thank you very much.

Guess I’ll have to help again… He pulled out his ‘to do’ list:


• Find Lost Recordings of Dylan
• Find Translation Key
• Pick up some Ho-ho’s and a head of lettuce

It was nice to not see ‘Save the world’ on the list for once. Now to look for clues. He’d been waiting years to get at these books.

[indent] Keeper John – Journal Entry 1138
I can’t believe the council denied my request for an expedition! They know the dangers. The area is swarming with all those ‘goth’ people. This is why we originally locked the entrance. How can I go there alone? My black cloak will help me fit in. Still, the Sunken Citadel CD Shop holds many secrets. Though I am afraid, I also long to go back. Most important is the Translation Key. How long has it languished away in that dark place? Decades? I was so close the first time. If only I hadn’t started humming ‘Like a Rolling Stone’ we wouldn’t have been discovered. I won’t make that mistake again. Got to learn some Lacuna Coil songs to hum this time…[/indent]

Well, if this guy thought the Translation Key was in this CD Shop, guess I’ll go look there. It’s a wonder the Keepers haven’t thought of it yet, being as this book is laying here in plain sight and the guy has been missing for decades. Garrett shook his head, Ah, the Keepers. Snazzy dressers, but sometimes the microwave is running, and the plate’s just not spinning...

• Go to Sunken Citadel CD Shop

His thoughts were interrupted by another conversation.

“Go on scribe – speak up. My hearing aid battery is low,” said an elderly Keeper.

“I think I’ve found something in my studies, a connection. Everyone knows the Lost Recordings are well…more lost than the System Shock license. But then last week I transcribed a passage…’the Recordings will be borne by a Tumultuous Cacophony.”

“Ah yes, I remember that report. Something about the karaoke craze sweeping the City.”

“Not just that,” the younger Keeper was getting excited, “but I remembered that there’s a club down at the Docks – it’s actually an old ship. They couldn’t pay the house band anymore, so they started having karaoke every night of the week. The club is called ‘The Tumultuous Cacophony.’

“It is indeed a tragedy and a mystery, yet I see no connection,” the older Keeper chided, “lack of a house band is no excuse for karaoke. Why not hire a DJ?”

“But the connection is obvious! The prophecy says the Recordings will be borne by a Tumultuous Cacophony, the club is called the Tumultuous Cacophony! What is there not to get?!”

“Ah! I see your point. And the error in your thinking. The Recordings were lost years ago. How could they possibly be in a club that opened not three years ago?”

“Don’t you think it’s worth checking out? Given that we’re headed for a Dark Age, terrible beyond anything the world has ever known?

“Enough scribe. I have business to attend to. In case you haven’t heard, there is a Dark Age approaching. Terrible beyond anything the world has ever known,” the elder moved to leave.

”What the hell is the matter with you people?!! That’s it! I quit! Screw the Keepers! I’m going to be a Jedi! Like my father before me!.

The young man threw down his books and stormed out the door.

“Damn Jedi…” muttered the old Keeper, “they keep stealing the best ones away from us…”

Maybe this scribe is onto something. I’ll check out this club ‘The Tumultuous Cacophony’ next time I’m at the Docks. If I can ever figure out how to get there. They’ve had the whole place locked down since that American Idol tour came through…

• Go to the Tumultuous Cacophony

Garrett met up with Artimus in one of the round rooms. He was intense as always.

“Garrett, the Conservatives and the Liberals discovered it was you who stole their artifacts.”

“How can that be? I didn’t let a single person see me in either place! I didn’t kill or harm anyone! My stats said so!”

“Nevertheless, they are very angry about it,” Artimus warned.

“Well since you’ve got such a great relationship with both groups, why didn’t you tell them it was YOU that put me up to it?”

“Because we’re using you to our own ends and as usual refuse to take responsibility for our meddling,” he said, shrugging.

Garrett thought a minute. “Fair enough.”

“Now,” said Artimus, “they would like to know if you are willing to aid them by performing certain tasks. But beware. If they see you, they will attack you on sight.”

“As usual.”

“You shouldn’t be so negative Garrett, they’re really all very nice,” said Artimus.

“Yeah – they didn’t poke your eye out or try to turn you into rust.”

“A Conservative named Bill O’Reiley left this missive for you. I contacted a Liberal Shaman who agreed to post a similar note for you on the outskirts of the Liberal territory on the Docks. I’ve done what I can. I have my own problems.”

“Yeah. You’re a real hero.”

The note read:

[indent]Garret, the prescribed penalty for your crimes against us is death. However, we’ve discovered that we have a huge cockroach problem and would like you to deal with it. That should settle everything and we’ll call it even. Oh – and quit stealing out stuff. Deal?
I also have a habit of asking people if they have seen a portly man with pork chop sideburns and a gaudy white leisure suit. My office is at St. Edgar’s unless you happen to be in Awedude in which case it’s somewhere out in the middle of the street near the Thief Supply Outlet.[/indent]

Cockroaches? What, now I’m an exterminator? Not a chance…this sounds like busy work to cover up the fact that there’s not much else to do around the City. I’m not falling for it…

“May I help you Garrett?” Artimus’ voice stirred him from his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Balance to you Garrett.”

“What are you talking about.”

“Is there something you need Garrett?”

Ah…he’s gone on autopilot again…

He made his way into the main break room where a bunch of Keepers were milling around looking pensive. But with swords.

“Garrett, you must undergo the scribe ritual in order to access our little storage room in Stoner’s Market,” the woman said.

“Is your name Dyan by any chance?” asked Garrett.

“No, no. Dyan’s hair is red, my hair is blond. Dyan’s dress is green, my dress is white. See the difference?

“Uh…sure. Sure. So what’s in the storage room?”

“Some loose change. Some old bottles. Maybe a cockroach from time to time.”

Uh huh. “And what’s this about a scribe ritual?”

“You must place your hand on the glowing symbol behind me. In order to utilize this area.”

“You mean push the blue button?”

“Well, it’s really a bit more mystical than that, but essentially yes. You must push the button.”

“What does it do?” he asked skeptically.

“It allows you to push other buttons.”

“Couldn’t I just push the other buttons anyway?”

“You might not be able to see them.”

“Why not?”

She was silent for moment. “It’s painless. Just play ball with me here, ok?”

“Sure, sure.” He placed his hand on the glowing symbol, entering a whole new phase of his life in which he could push the buttons.

He explored the rest of the library that was open to him, looking for other buttons to push but found none. But eventually an unassuming sleeping and study area provided a bit of adventure. He discovered a little platform on the floor, much like the one in his apartment for which he had no use until it was too late, and stood on it.

An entire bookcase swung away from the wall, exposing a glowing blue button. Using his newfound button-pushing skill, he opened a hidden corridor and crept deeper into the secrets of the Keeper Library.
(…to be continued)