Moonbo on 23/10/2009 at 22:47
I know it's not in the original TDP (just in Thief Gold), but I'd recommend swapping out one of the "Undercover" with the "Mage's Towers", it has some pretty striking visual images and seems like it'd be a good flow from the Lost City to the Mage's Towers to the Haunted Cathedral.
Of course I'm not the one who'd have to re-do the screenplay so feel free to ignore that :-P.
_________________________
But you should walk having internal dignity. Be a wonderful person who can dance pleasantly to the rhythm of the universe.
-Sun Myung Moon
The Shroud on 23/10/2009 at 22:55
Unfortunately, if I did that, we wouldn't see much of the Hammerites - and I think the Hammers trump the Hand Brotherhood. Since I've taken out Cragscleft, the Hammer Temple is really all we see of the Hammerite Order. It's also where we get to overhear a lot of their tenets during a sermon that takes place while Garrett is scouting around inside. All that would be lost if I swapped it out for "Mage Towers".
Echelon5 on 24/10/2009 at 00:05
Agreed on the Hammers. They were kind of the focal point of TDP, in the background of the story anyway. They have a very strong presence. The Mages on the other hand do not, and were essentially shoe-horned in for Gold. Not that Mages Towers isn't a fun level or anything.
The Shroud on 24/10/2009 at 00:26
I agree, I really enjoyed "Mage Towers", especially the dramatic ambiance that occurred when you finally entered the central tower to get the Earth Talisman. It's a shame to cut out the mage keep - but who knows, maybe there's room for it in a post-TDS sequel?
I think the idea behind "Mage Towers" and "Song Of The Caverns" was mainly to have one separate area for each of the four Talismans - spread across the four corners of the City. Also it gave the player the feeling of a really long, drawn out quest, which increased the sense of accomplishment when the whole ordeal was finally completed.
By the way - regarding missing portions of "Lord Bafford's Manor", some of you may be heartened to know that the cellar-conversation between the two guards (discussing how "the Sir should really beef up security some") was fitted into "The Sword" in my screenplay. Likewise, the conversation between the first two Hammerites in "Break From Cragscleft Prison" ("Time was, all these halls would be close-packed with novices...") was included in the "Undercover" sequence in the Hammer Temple. These are just a couple examples of things which were worked in from the three missions I cut.
Herr_Garrett on 24/10/2009 at 10:02
Make them to do the shooting in Hungary, I beg of you.
The Shroud on 24/10/2009 at 19:15
You know, after re-listening to the voices of Garrett's mentor and Artemus, I'm growing more convinced that these are not the same character. Nate Wells used a very different voice for the two of them - one is solid, even, and authoritative, the other is raspy, uneven, and deferential.
Artemus also doesn't appear to treat Garrett as a former pupil, but more as a colleague he rather looks up to. Likewise, Garrett doesn't treat Artemus like someone he once trained under or learned from. That old familiarity of the ever-mysterious instructor and gifted but impetuous pupil is completely missing from their interactions. Of course, none of these indicators is necessarily a concrete disproof, but they do collectively generate significant doubt.
Garrett left the Keepers, throwing away (from their perspective) years of invested teachings and high hopes for him as an active member of their fold; who would feel the sting of this departure more than Garrett's personal instructor - the man who originally brought him into the Order, trained him, and vouched for him? Yet there is more bitterness between Garrett and the Keeper seen in TDP's final cutscene than between Garrett and Artemus.
One of the indicators most contrary to the theory that Garrett's instructor and Artemus are the same person, is that in all of TDS there is not one reference, either explicit or implied, that the relationship between Garrett and Artemus was once that of student and teacher. From a writer's perspective, it would seem both crucial and behooving to include some sort of hint or subtly revealing comment on either Garrett's or Artemus's parts, or both, that would suggest a prior student-teacher dynamic between the two. Otherwise the writer risks that facet of the story being lost on the audience. In this particular case, absence of evidence is evidence of the contrary.
I've decided the best and safest course is to do what TDP did - leave Garrett's instructor unnamed. I've renamed "Mayar" to "Keeper Instructor".
Herr_Garrett on 25/10/2009 at 06:38
But Artemus was the only one who could sneak up on Garrett.
MrMunkeepants on 25/10/2009 at 06:55
so nice. so very very nice. if you need any help with anything, I'm sure any of us would love to - but I'd really really love to :thumb:
some suggestions:
*after writing, the Keeper should blow on the ink or sprinkle sand to dry it before closing the book so the ink doesn't smudge.
*Bafford throne guard should complain of not having a "decent meal" in days. this implies he's been on duty a lot, not poorly treated (unless that was your intention.)
*bear pits - just have posters advertising matches, like boxing or UFC ads. nice set dressing and Easter egg for the fans
The Shroud on 25/10/2009 at 07:35
Quote Posted by MrMunkeepants
so nice. so very very nice. if you need any help with anything, I'm sure any of us would love to - but I'd really really love to :thumb:
Thanks! At this point in time, feedback is the best help there is. Although there is one thing I'm wondering if someone can enlighten me on - does anyone know what sort of contraption the Keeper in the Bafford intro actually uses to secure the book? I ended up just saying "wall-safe" but that's clearly not what it really is in the intro. It appears to be some odd kind of chain-and-leather binding with a heavy lock.
Quote Posted by MrMunkeepants
some suggestions:
*after writing, the Keeper should blow on the ink or sprinkle sand to dry it before closing the book so the ink doesn't smudge.
I thought about that. I may end up just phrasing it better to suggest we're skipping forward a little through time, rather than watching every move the Keeper makes - for instance, leaving out him
taking the book to the wall-safe, and simply showing him putting it in the safe. I'm revising it as we speak.
Quote Posted by MrMunkeepants
*Bafford throne guard should complain of not having a "decent meal" in days. this implies he's been on duty a lot, not poorly treated (unless that was your intention.)
There are actually a few reasons I chose that wording. One, because it's verbatim from the guard's actual lines in the game. Two, because he's exaggerating with a figure of speech, rather than stating the facts literally (he probably has eaten
something in recent days, but it might as well be "nothing" from his agitated point of view). And three, because I actually do think he hasn't been treated very well - Bafford isn't known for being very considerate of his staff.
Quote Posted by MrMunkeepants
*bear pits - just have posters advertising matches, like boxing or UFC ads. nice set dressing and Easter egg for the fans
Now that I can do. I have just the spot too - right outside the Crippled Burrick Inn, where Garrett first meets with Viktoria.
Echelon5 on 25/10/2009 at 14:21
One of the ads on the poster must say something like "Prepare for a REAL eye gouging!"
And someone walks by, looks at it, and says "They don't make bears like they used to."
