frozenman on 13/6/2011 at 21:00

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This past weekend I flew down to Maryland for an annual camping trip that a group of friends and I organize at (http://www.assateagueisland.com/) Assateague Island off the coast of Maryland. The island is wonderful, filled with wild ponies who are safe for the large part around humans. It also has vicious mosquitos at dawn and dusk, I was bitten nearly 150 times in one night. And all the beautiful beach you can imagine.

But this post isn't about Assateague, it's about what happened on the way there, and how completely dumbfucked I am about how to handle it.

I was picked up from the airport by a good friend of mine who I hadn't seen in about a year and a half. I still mostly talk to him on gchat daily, about the Outer Limits or some terrible movie we've seen. After about 30 minutes on the road toward the rendevouz point with other campers before we set out on the trip, we get pulled over by a cop- the initial reason was a suspended registration due to a missed emissions inspection. The cop states that he smells a faint odor of pot and will need to search the car. I keep telling him it's going to be okay, and he keeps saying "I'm worried something is going to happen. We definitely weren't smoking pot, but I don't know what else he could find in here." The cop states that he smells a faint odor of pot and will need to search the car. He begins the search and finds a blunt which isn't illegal but causes pressure. Then he finds a small piece of plastic bag, tied into a very small knot, the way some powdered drugs are sold. Then he finds a bag in the back seat with several needles, and an 8 ball of heroin.

He got arrested and taken to county central booking. I talk to the police and am allowed to take his car so it doesn't need to be towed. I then spend the next 2 hours trying to contact his family, and eventually reach his brother through facebook. I generally hate facebook but it really saved the day on this occasion.

We ended up going on the camping trip. I talked to him just before leaving and said I'd call him when I get back.

Firstly, I have no idea how to handle this situation. I know the steps, I know what needs to be done, but I feel completely unable to act on them should I need to. I believe getting this to his parents was probably the best thing I could have done. I'm also fucking pissed at my best friend for getting this far, and I'm glad he got busted so he wouldn't overdose while camping at the beach. There were times a few years ago when friends knew he was using and talked to him, but he recently moved to Baltimore and I guess heroin just falls from the sky there. My first reaction was to say fuck him I'm not going to talk to him because I know this will hurt him, but I know that's not a proactive or entirely healthy way to handle the situation. Also, I live several hundred miles away so I also feel powerless in many ways.

Looking back in the car ride I now notice several symptoms. Sometimes I feel incredibly unperceptive when it comes to people's behaviors. I just would like to talk to him about it and make sure he knows I'm judging him or have lost faith in him. But these are tough feelings to express to a friend you've spent years smoking pot and making music with, watching football and bad movies.

Has anyone any advice to offer me? Been through something this scary?
Thanks

demagogue on 14/6/2011 at 01:27

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Funny, me and some friends took a trip to Assateague Island not too long ago ourselves.

That story reminded me of Requiem for a Dream a little.

I don't know what to say about your situation; not really my field of experience. You could frame it intervention-like, like he's an old friend but he's only hurting himself by going down this destructive path and breaking his trust with everyone. And he's going to make it hard to stay friends unless he cleans up his act. Something like that; then it's like his choice, and the long path he has to go to to regain trust or something, but practically speaking it always allows you to say you don't believe he's really changed if he doesn't. And it sets a new status quo that that kind of shit can't be tolerated. Maybe it makes an impression on him and he takes drastic action or maybe it doesn't, but he knows where you stand.

I don't know. I'm just making all this up. I really don't know how I'd handle this kind of thing if it were me.

Muzman on 14/6/2011 at 04:29

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You might want to check you're not overreacting. Legally it's very serious but despite its rep not everyone who does heroin is a depraved junkie apt to steal anything not nailed down or even one in the making. One of Geoffrey Robertson's hypotheticals back in the day concerned the drug war. Some of the people on the panel were doctors and he posed then the question; you need life saving surgery (I forget what it was, would have tied to the overall story) and there's only two men available to do it, on is an alcoholic the other is a heroin addict, which one do you choose? All of them chose the heroin addict without a second thought.

There's this demarcation line around acceptable drugs and how it shifts is often illuminating. Remember that not too long ago, and right now in certain parts of the country, admitting to smoking pot like that would produce the exact same reaction that you have to heroin. You're now a terrible untrustworthy person tainted for life.
Yes that is crazy and yes heroin is worse than pot in all kinds of ways. The nub is the implicit moral dimension where finding out someone does it it is a bit like discovering they are a rapist or something and you don't feel like you know them anymore. That's probably the worst part of the whole war on drugs, the moralising. And you don't even necessarily know you're doing it.

So treat it like a health problem, even if the law might not. Actually, find out if the law will where he is and if it won't, try and get hm the hell out of there.

SD on 14/6/2011 at 18:37

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Complete bullshit, but why change the habit of a lifetime. It is extremely rare for anyone to actually overdose on heroin. If you're shooting heroin, it's not the heroin itself which is going to kill you, whether it's 10% or 50% pure. A lethal dose of heroin, even for a non-user, is far in excess of what you would get in a single dose of even 100% pure heroin.

Al_B on 14/6/2011 at 21:14

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Not sure if you left out a couple of negatives in there - but if not, don't take your friend's problems on yourself. I haven't been in quite the same situation myself, but talking to your friend about it in a non-judgemental way is a good first step.

You haven't much about his reaction to the situation other than he was worried about what might be found in the car - not angry or remorseful which could mean that the drugs weren't actually his.

I personally don't agree with the comparison war between heroin / alcohol / pot / any other drug. Whether one or the other is worse than the other isn't at issue. All can and do cause problems for some users and they can be indicative of deeper issues.