Ghostly Apparition on 28/7/2011 at 20:19
This doesn't qualify as a book or something to read on e-reader so if you think I should've posted elsewhere my apologies.
I have stumbled upon a great web fiction site..well if you are into zombie end of the world apocalypse scenarios anyway. the storyline is very compelling and its an ongoing story.. with a few side stories that give some background on the original story... anyway without futher ado
Link: (
http://adriansundeaddiary.com/)
its violent, its gory..and written in a diary form from the original characters viewpoint.
Queue on 29/7/2011 at 17:00
This caught my interest, and I can't help posting (though I know better than to do so, and have removed myself from active posting) something because I find this, along with the plethora of other projects like it found on the web, so angering.
A simple, two-word review for those who have not read it: Utter Shit.
After four paragraphs, and sampling paragraphs here-and-there throughout to see if it got any better, I couldn't take it anymore. The writing is wooden, ridiculous, not compelling in the least bit, and so peppered with ill-placed profanity and trite expressions that it's embarrassingly bad. And the idea itself is as worn out as a ten-dollar whore: "Oooo, I've got a good one! Someone's diary of a zombie apocalypse! That'll be original and worth eating up some web-space."
To whomever wrote this, I can only say that you have the skill of putting a bunch of words to "paper" down, but you need to learn to edit. From the chosen style, if there is one, I'm led to believe that the character writing this journal is an illiterate teen-age boy, though we find that he's actually an adult. Any author, with any amount of editing skills, would, after the first-draft, ask himself: Does an adult male with a condo downtown and a cat write in this manner?
...or actually write "(score!)" in journal form?
No.
So let's take a quick look at some highlights of just what's wrong with the first four paragraphs:
Quote:
It's pretty fucking cold out tonight. The big ass plastic thermometer on the tree outside says its 35F out tonight. I'm glad I figured out where the emergency generator is here, otherwise I would be freezing my balls off now. Despite the fact that this place was kind of a bitch to clear out, I'm glad I did it. It's got everything I need to survive for a long time.
Beyond the no-no of using "out tonight" to consecutively end the first two sentences, why not just turn those two clunkers into one sentence without the "fucking" and "big ass" (because their use at this point is silly and adds nothing emotional) that gives some sort of sense and feeling: "The thermometer outside reads that it's (Note: that should be "it's"...not "its"...learn to edit, you fuck.) almost freezing."
To the author, with just a simple sentence you have now established a flow that can built upon, and can then move into: "I'm lucky I found the emergency generator to this place before the cold began to seep inside." This further gives you a building point, a foundation for some back-story and to explain his current circumstances. But no, you don't go there. Instead you plod forward with some more useless information that should be removed since they really don't add anything at this point and can be better used later when we find out where he's at and how he got there (if we ever do).
Quote:
I don't even really know where to start. It's a Tuesday today. At least I know what day it is. Someone in the main office building was wise enough to buy their calendar early this year so it'll be easy for me to keep track of the days until the end of next year. After that I guess I'll have to use some of the graph paper and make my own calendar. That's being pretty optimistic though. The way the last few months have been I'll be goddamn lucky to make Christmas, let alone next Christmas.
The choppiness of this passage, and the use of one declarative after another, can be confusing to the readers and make it easy for them to mistakenly infer that the protagonist knows it's Tuesday just from a calendar lying around. At which point the readers would ask themselves: "So why would a calendar help him know that it's Tuesday? Either he'd know it because he's kept track of the days, or he'd know it because he has a reference point (like yesterday was Monday). Otherwise, just looking at a calendar without any reference point wouldn't magically tell you day it is!" But, after being forced to re-read the passage, because the writing lacks a flow, the reader would discover that's not the intent of the author.
Like the protagonist, we readers need a reference point to know what is going on.
The author may want to re-read what he/she wrote with an eye for cohesiveness and clarity, instead just pushing forward so he/she can hurriedly post something for all the fans.
Quote:
I decided to start writing this mainly to keep track of my daily activities and to have a way to purge my nugget. Frankly I talk to myself way too goddamn much to be mentally healthy and I was always told that writing a journal helped. Sooo.. let's call this my journal. Thank God for spell check. I also realize that now is not the best time to be writing. I'm using up some of my gasoline to run the generator, which is basically a waste, and honestly having any lights on at night draws them in. Moths to a flame as the old saying goes. But I can't sleep and I've been meaning to do this for a long time now. Having the electricity back has set a fire under my ass to do this.
Did you actually write, "purge my nugget"? Really?
And is this idiot, during a Zombie Apocalypse, actually carrying around a laptop?! What else does he have? Does he have any food? Does he have any other belongings? Does he have a little red wagon to tote all his shit around? Where did the gasoline come from?!
"Thank God for spell check"... how about pray for a fucking editor?
Quote:
My name is Adrian Ring. I lived what I would now call as only a moderately successful life. I was happy, but I had pretty low standards. I had a girlfriend, I had a small condo downtown, I still have my cat (score!), and I have thus far avoided being eaten by the undead. Surprise! There's the twist in the story. I fucking love horror movies. Like seriously. I watched well over a thousand of them and always used to plot and plan should zombies ever rise from the dead and take over the world. Irony in all that is that when the shit hit the fan it happened so fast that any kind of plan would've been almost impossible to execute.
I don't even know where to begin. How about, instead of the protagonist (whom I am now lead to believe is a trans-gendered Valley Girl... Surprise! Like for fer sure, whatever) listing off bits of declarative information about himself, he actually does something within the journal that allows us (the readers) to learn about him and his situation through his actions and what's going on around him. Maybe he finds a DVD of
Day of the Dead by which he can now comment on his love of horror movies, and the irony of the situation which he is now in? Or, the cat rubs against his leg wanting food? It'd be a great place to describe his current status. Does he have plenty of food that he can spare to feed the cat, or will he have to eat that little fucker soon? This is called: Telling A Story. Even in journal form, a story must be told. It can't just be one bit of declarative information after another.
And how about avoiding cliches such as, "when the shit hits the fan"? And try avoiding the vernacular of a complete rube? Make the character interesting by giving him an interesting voice.
This whole thing reads and feels like one of those awful high-school creative writing exercises, the kind that should be graded C- for effort, of a wanna-be-writer who eventually realizes he/she has no talent and goes off to have a career in sales at Home Depot (or ends up teaching creative writing so they too can further dilute the talent pool with encouragement instead of honest criticism, because everything he/she reads is so
good). It's writing that should be forgotten quickly, and never brought up again. It's not something that merits a complete website.
It's work like this, done so poorly, that is reducing the quality of writing to that of the slop falling out of a teenage girl's mouth.
It's work like this that somehow garners attention and gains fans, and perpetuates the continuation of even more awfulness to be created and posted.
And something even more worrying is that work like this continues to earn acceptance.
To any would-be writers out there, please focus more on quality instead of pushing out product. You're deadening us all with your tripe, and pleas for a pat on the back from the equally untalented and lame.
Ulukai on 29/7/2011 at 17:21
I don't think Queue likes it
Yakoob on 29/7/2011 at 17:33
I was considering giving this a go, but Queue's excellent rant totally pushed me against that idea. Ironically, your rant about how shitty the writing is, is way better than the writing you are describing!
I did genuinely enjoy your bitchfit; you chose good examples that hilight the flaws (unless any random paragraphs do that :p) and both your analysis and terminology seem to point at greater-than-lamens knowledge of writing. Do you do writing yourself? I would be curios to know.
On that note, I'm kind of interested in storytelling as well, albeit coming from a filmmaker's perspective. I wrote a few screenplays and promptly came to a realization I suck dick when it comes to writing so decided to stick where my filming skills lie. But still, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to hone my skills, if you've got any good tips.
But then again, although sometimes I do genuinely get the urge to write something (even narrative form), I never gave it a go. I always felt like good writers are the ones that just have the inherent skill and gift for writing; even without much schooling or practicing, they instinctively know how to make the sentences flow, how to build the suspension, and how to create compelling characters. The rest of us... best we can do is spent years practicing only to learn to emulate the naturals.
Ghostly Apparition on 29/7/2011 at 19:58
Queue, Would be really cool if you could explain the art of the story etc to Hollywood filmmakers, its hard to find anything actually decent to watch.
was perusing movie titles recently and saw one called " homeless guy with a shotgun" ..no really, I'm not joking. sigh
yes, i realize the editing of the story could use some help. I found the actual story compelling..
but to each his own.
Edit: note..I am not the author.
demagogue on 29/7/2011 at 20:36
I collected a bunch of articles on "how to write" before.
Might upload some of the good ones with links.
Some advice that stuck with me... Just think in structural terms and have a plan, think of economy (pushing the plot the most forward in the fewest words, which means cut, cut, cut everything you write), and read back over everything like a reader coming into it with nothing (as opposed to you who knows what you want to do).
The technique I liked was, you think of like 10 events or scenes you want (however many depending on the length you want); starting off you can plan backwards from the climax moving back to the starting conditions but no hard-rule here; then you write the 10 items down on paper in little boxes; then you consciously connect each box to the next with a connecting line and explain on that line how you get from one box to the next down the whole line, tweaking little things to make it work (as an optional bonus, you can also connect boxes to other boxes, connecting ideas across distant scenes, and at the top you might have some "general themes", and you can also connect each box to those as well; then you're using little symbols like footnotes instead of drawing actual lines).
The process forces you to think structurally, but what I like about it is when you're done, you have a blueprint for both the entire work right in front of you, but also each individual scene and how you get from one to the next. So while you're writing you always know what you need to do next. And also you can get back to writing the details and know that everything naturally connects to the next scene (and a definite strong flow emerges), and general themes don't get lost, because going through that little exercise has already led you to build them in. Can't emphasize enough how nice it is, going in to writing, seeing the entire battle plan already set out, from start to finish, and each step of the way.
Thinking back on it, it's a form of stepwise refinement we know from FM level building; you start with a picture of the *entire thing* right in front of in you in broad strokes FIRST, then gradually work it out into smaller increments in waves, until you get to the ground level of details on final passes. If it's proven to work for FMs, probably works well for major stories as well.
Queue on 30/7/2011 at 04:28
Quote Posted by Ghostly Apparition
Queue, Would be really cool if you could explain the art of the story etc to Hollywood filmmakers
I think most of what Hollywood considers film making is to recycle well done old films, remove most of the plot, and add explosions. And make sure to film it in 3D. Speaking of which, I saw the trailer for the new Three Musketeers film....
But, I guess you really can't blame Hollywood for the shitty films that are being churned out when the box-office numbers support them.
Quote:
Edit: note..I am not the author.
:thumb:
Quote Posted by Yakoob
Do you do writing yourself?
Yeah. But so does about 90% of the folks on the internet. I think a better question would be whether or not I've been legitimately published (stories chosen by an editor for actual publication). Which is, again, yes, though I haven't tried publishing anything since 2006. It sucks that after years of practice, and finally getting to a point where I feel that I'm writing well, I now find it hard to focus and actually write. A couple minor strokes back in 2006 & 2007 may or may not be to blame. :erg: But, I keep practicing daily, and trying to hit that groove again.
For awhile, I worked for two non-fiction magazines as both an editor and contributor. The money was great (really good, actually), but I much prefer writing fiction (where the money sucks).
Quote:
On that note, I'm kind of interested in storytelling as well, albeit coming from a filmmaker's perspective. I wrote a few screenplays and promptly came to a realization I suck dick when it comes to writing so decided to stick where my filming skills lie.
I tried writing a screenplay once for some folks I know, for their first film. At the time, I knew nothing about filmmaking or writing for film (and still don't), but said what the hell and gave it a go. The end result was a dark comedy, which I really had a lot of fun working on, and was fairly proud of the results. Unfortunately, they quit filming after one week of shooting when they realized that they too knew nothing about filmmaking.
I think five-minutes of cut film is all that survives. Or, at least, that's all I ever saw. The good thing is that, since I did the work on consignment, I maintained all the rights--which have reverted back to me. So, if you ever want a silly dark comedy....
My dream has always been to direct a film. I think visually (which is a big help in my writing, as I will visualize a scenario and simply describe what I see and hear), which I believe is a skill that would lend itself well to directing. But, once again, I know diddly-squat about filmmaking.
Quote:
But still, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to hone my skills, if you've got any good tips.
I don't know if I really have any tips, but I can tell you what has worked for me. Some of these lean more toward the writing process than story advice, but the two go hand-in-hand.
1. Read the works of as many established writers as you can--preferably early to mid-twentieth century. And as you do so, pay careful attention to how it's written. The only "textbooks" that exist for writing and learning how to write well are actual books and stories. It's sickening how many writers today profess (and do so as if it were a badge of honor) that they do not read. And they don't read because - get this - they are afraid it will effect their art. To these people I ask this, would you eat something prepared by a chef who has never tasted food?
2. Like all art forms, writing is the product of hard work that should be approached seriously and done so with all earnest. Hunter S. Thompson taught himself how to write (or at least the cadence) by typing out The Great Gatsby over and over. And I feel that many of today's writers are in dire need of such an effort to better themselves. But, it seems that too many new writers are simply too lazy. If you're not willing to work like hell to write better, then quit writing.
3. Don't think that what you just wrote is the best thing ever written. Be your own worst critic. Most good writing is nothing more than recognizing that what you just wrote sucks and editing it.
4. Never edit on screen. Print it off, let it sit in a drawer for a few weeks (or even years), then look at it again. The problem with immediately editing on screen is that when you do so you're in your "writing mode"; in your mind you already know what you meant to say, or how it's supposed to sound. So when you read it again on the screen it all makes sense because your mind is tricking you into not seeing the problems. But, if you print if off, let it escape from your thoughts for a bit, and look at it anew in a "reading mode" (on paper), then it's a lot easier to see the problems and your mistakes. And when you do edit, read it aloud. It's amazing the problems your ears will find that your eyes won't.
5. Remove as many adjectives as possible. As Fitzgerald pointed out, " . . All fine prose is based on the verbs carrying the sentences. ... A line like "The hare limped trembling through the frozen grass," is so alive that you race through it, scarcely noticing it, yet it has colored the whole poem with its movement — the limping, trembling and freezing is going on before your eyes."
6. Always ask yourself questions as you write. And if the answers to those questions are pertinent to the story, then work them into the story.
7. Incorporate the senses into your prose. We are surrounded by smells, tastes, and sounds everyday throughout our lives--they are the spice that make our lives enjoyable or miserable, meaningful or disconnected. The give life, life. So why wouldn't you use them in your story?
8. Don't spit out one declarative sentence after another. Doing so has the cadence of machine-gun fire, and soon leaves the reader feeling as though they are in front of a firing squad.
9. On the other hand, don't wax lyrical with heavy-handed prose. In doing so, it often comes off (and is often the case) as if the writer is simply in love with his own voice, and is writing for his own enjoyment.
10. Know where you're going with the story. I'm not one who actually likes making an outline, but I feel that most writers should. You need to stay focused, taking the reader from point A (the beginning) to point B (the end) without wandering off into destinations unknown.
11. Finally, make sure that whatever bit of information you decide to incorporate into your story, is also information that makes sense. Carrying around a laptop during a zombie apocalypse doesn't make sense. A big fucking shot gun and a ton of shells does.
