Sulphur on 3/3/2011 at 13:31
I'm taking a break from my relaxing holiday in the tropical sun to post some helpful advice on the various distractions available in all balmy wonderlands everywhere. For this invaluable service, all I ask is that someone sends me a rubber platypus mounting a wallaby (quickly):
a) when you fuck a coconut, ensure you've drained it of all water and that the hole you drill is big enough or your zipper ain't gonna fit around that new third nut you've permanently attached to yourself, and the doctor isn't going to buy that you've got an 'unbelievably chronic case of elephantiasis'.
b) Pineapples aren't good substitutes for cock or pussy unless you're a masochist.
c) always check those dark, long-haired svelte beauties with the buck teeth and the husky voices between the legs before you lock the door and keep a taser handy, because the pimp might have misunderstood when you said you wanted 'the tightest-assed fuck of a lifetime'.
d) tasers from pimps tend to cost more because they're usually sold as part of a package deal; get one from the nearby black market bazaar instead - do not buy any other toys from there, because you really have no idea where they've been.
In other news, there's lots of pussy here, but I sure as fuck ain't fucking it yet. :erg:
frozenman on 3/3/2011 at 13:44
Holy hell
Briareos H on 3/3/2011 at 13:54
ur mom lol?
Yakoob on 3/3/2011 at 14:02
Briareos H's mum!
ooooooh!
Queue on 3/3/2011 at 14:21
I gotta rock called Pete that I'll bash against my genitals until something comes out.
Pete likes it kinda rough.
(...thought I'd weigh in on this bit of gold before it disappears)
Fingernail on 3/3/2011 at 14:30
sex is like... uh... winning!
Koki on 3/3/2011 at 16:17
Quote Posted by Sulphur
a) when you fuck a coconut, ensure you've drained it of all water and that the hole you drill is big enough or your zipper ain't gonna fit around that new third nut you've permanently attached to yourself, and the doctor isn't going to buy that you've got an 'unbelievably chronic case of elephantiasis'.
You should try a watermelon instead :thumb:
Briareos H on 3/3/2011 at 16:19
do not microwave it for more than a few seconds though
Kolya on 3/3/2011 at 16:29
How did you accidentally post three threads Sulphur? Phurious phinger? Phor phun?
PeeperStorm on 3/3/2011 at 18:07
When you're deciding what to pack, and have to travel light (meaning that your saddle and gimp suit won't fit in your carry-on luggage), this is a must have:
(
http://www.oralb.com/products/pulsar-toothbrush/)
Inline Image:
http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/356/pulsare.jpgForget that stuff in the marketing spiel about "Micro-pulses" and scientifically combobulated bristles. All you need to know is that this is a disposable toothbrush
with a built-in vibrator. Damn thing is always set on "Richter scale" too, since there's no adjustment to it. Just turn it on and it'll return the favor. Best toothbrush I ever owned.
