june gloom on 21/5/2013 at 20:24

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So the new Xbox was revealed.

It's called... the Xbox One.

... really?

Haven't we been using that name to refer to the original Xbox for like... the last 8 fucking years?

But whatever. What this means is that all 3 major console players have released or announced their contribution to the 8th generation of console toys. And I have to say, I am not impressed.

Let's break it down.

First in the ring: The Wii-U.

Well, uh... so far it seems like (http://kotaku.com/nintendos-own-stats-show-that-the-world-just-isnt-tha-479378393) Nintendo can't sell the damn thing. I remember reading back in the 1990s some wag writing that Sega surprised the world by releasing the Saturn a bit too early, and the world surprised Sega by not buying it. This seems to be the case here -- there just is not enough reason for most people to buy a Wii-U. Not enough worthy exclusives, no Gamecube BC (maybe not as important as I think it is, but still) and -- let's be real -- an outrageous price from a company with a history of undercutting the competition (a problem suffered by the 3DS as well.)

It's obvious they were trying to replicate the success of the Wii, but I think the Wii was too successful, because now nobody's buying a Wii-U. I mean, why would they?

Not a strong start for Nintendo, I must say. If they want to start selling units, it's time to make another Zelda game, and not take 'til the end of the console's lifespan to do it like they did with Skyward Sword.

Next: The Playstation 4.

First off I'm grateful they didn't change the numbering system or anything silly like that. The name is simple, clean, and suggests a clear delineation from the original Playstation. It looks like Sony noticed how much they got hurt by Western developers complaining how hard it was to develop games for the Playstation 3, and designed the PS4 with feedback (http://kotaku.com/5985769/the-ps4s-specs-in-brief) to include an AMD x64 based 8-core APU. It'll also bring 8GB of DDR5 memory. All in all, we're talking a pretty fucking beefy system, one that's sure to be futureproof for some time, or so Sony hopes. I mean, okay... it won't be long before average PCs start outpacing it, but for at least a little while it'll probably be the driving force in graphics whizbangery.

Apparently the system will not require a constant internet connection. It also comes with a slightly redesigned controller, complete with a "share" button that nobody will use, including developers. As for used games, (http://www.expertreviews.co.uk/games/1298257/ps4-price-release-date-controller-specs-news) Sony quietly mumbled something about how used games are fine.

Downsides: no BC with games from all 3 previous systems. This sounds like bullshit, to me, though. Backwards compatibility and retro gaming is a major part of the market, and Sony, after years of claiming the PS3 couldn't do PS2 games past certain early releases of the console, suddenly started selling PS2 classics. Their solution to this problem is streamed games, but we live in a country where people are still connecting to the internet via dialup. We'll have to wait and see.

So far the PS4 looks like it might pull ahead simply because it achieves some basic competency. As a Metal Gear fan I technically have to drink the Sony Kool-Aid anyway, but I'm glad to see that the console won't be built around trying to fuck with the player or unify my experience or whatever. No word on a price yet, though, despite rumors.

But what's this? A challenger appears! The Xbox One!

Unfortunately it looks like it won't be an Xbox Won. (getting my coat)

To break it down from Microsoft's hilariously inept dicksucking session today: (http://kotaku.com/the-xbox-is-not-always-online-but-seems-to-block-used-509077987) It won't be always-online unless developers want it to be (hi Ubisoft) and you'll have to pay a fee to unlock used games. Developers will be able to make use of Microsoft's Azure cloud service, and games using that service will require an internet connection. I have to question who thought this was a good idea, and I do have serious concerns about the douchier developers (hi Ubisoft) milking this for all it's worth. What's disturbing about it is they went ahead and did this despite the massive outcry against always-online that's been going on for months. It's not as draconian as we thought, but it's there regardless, which means Adam Orth's firing was completely meaningless.

And to make matters worse is the unlocking thing. Basically you have to install your games to the HD (no big deal, PS3's been doing that for years) but when you do the game is attached to your account; when you buy a game used, you have to pay a fee to attach it to a second account (yours.) Apparently the game will actually be attached to both purchasers' accounts, the only difference being buyer 2 has the physical media to install it from. The unlock fee is probably going to be something outrageous like ten bucks, too.

Specs are pretty much (http://kotaku.com/5982986/we-know-all-about-the-next-xbox-from-someone-who-says-theyve-got-one) as expected: 8GB RAM, Blu-ray, USB 3.0, WiFi direct, 500 GB HDD. Basic competency that won't last more than a couple years.

Most of the reveal show focused on how Microsoft wants to take over your living room. They spent a lot of time talking about instant switching, being able to go from TV to video game to Skype to other video game instantly. Everything will be voice activated and (http://kotaku.com/xbox-one-requires-kinect-to-function-509112572) the system will not run without the Kinect hooked up. They want to make it so you can operate the thing from your phone, as well. This is all very stupid. They need to stop trying to murder the general purpose computer and start making a fucking game system that plays games without any fucking around. If it does Netflix, great. If it doesn't, I don't give two tugs of a dead dog's cock. Just let me play my fucking game. I'm not interested in running two games at once. You thought Windows 8 was a fluke? Nope. They have completely and utterly joined the "unified experience" cult. Great.

Oh god and the lineup was anemic at best. Steve Ballmer more or less fellated EA right there on stage in front of God and everybody. The rest of it was another fucking Call of Duty game which I have zero interest in despite traditionally being the series' biggest cheerleader on TTLG, Remedy's new horror game I'll wait 3 years for a PC version on, a Forza game, and... that's it. It was embarassing.

And they want $500 for this.

A huge step back from the 360 in every way, except perhaps in technical specs, but "on par with a contemporary mid-range PC" isn't exactly amazing. I am not amused. Even the name is stupid.

Unless Nintendo can get back on its feet, I think Sony may be the clear winner this generation* especially if they can undercut the XBO price. I half suspect they were holding off on announcing the price tag to see what Microsoft wanted for the XBO.

* not counting PC gaming, which is chugging right along giving zero fucks

jay pettitt on 21/5/2013 at 20:41

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Also, what was with all the clapping and cheering? That doesn't happen with my powerpoint presentations, and frankly mine are a damnsight more entertaining.

ZylonBane on 21/5/2013 at 20:59

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How do these marketing morons not realize that most people will assume that "Xbox 1" is a reference to the original Xbox?

Slasher on 21/5/2013 at 21:10

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Maybe now console gamers won't have to take "screenshots" and gameplay video using their phones.

june gloom on 21/5/2013 at 21:28

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Bah. Mine is more all-inclusive, though, not just about the XBO.